feels like I've been saying it more and more lately, and I don't know if that's true, so if you know me well enough and are not just like some random person reading this and if you think I've been saying it more and more too, please just give me a tight slap, the way you'd do a bitch who stole your boyfriend from you.
.. no I don't really mean that, I'm just being spiteful. anyway. I know I've been feeling more and more like a piece of shit lately. it feels like nothing's going right. like nothing's going the way I want it to, whether it's school, boys, my parents, friends outside of school, girl friends, guy friends, whatever.
I've been telling myself that I'm just overreacting again. that everyone has the same problems, and that I just take it too hardly, but I don't know whether that's true or not. because when i think about it, when shit happens in my life, a whole shitload of shit happens at once. then it bogs me down like a whole lot, and then for a while life is good, then shit happens again.
maybe I'm just being a spoilt brat and complaining about my life when really there's really nothing that's that depressing going on in it, compared to other people I guess, (oh how I want to beg to differ, but I know I can't)
I'm so confused I don't even understand what I'm talking about, i don't expect you to either.
but just because my life isn't that bad compared to some other people's lives doesn't mean I'm completely unentitled to feeling like a piece of shit sometimes, eh?
so let's forget about all the should-I-be-feeling-shitty crap and just do the life-stinks-because-shit-happens crap.
school isn't entirely that bad. i suppose for the start of the year, I'm doing okay. but see okay's not enough! I feel like if I don't do better than average now I'm gonna fail my a-levels or something. which is a scary thought. ...and my math honestly sucks dick. $#^&!*^$# it didn't use to be this bad, i don't know what happened! I seriously need to buck up for math D: ..and econs. but I'm more scared about math. everything else is just alright. and i need to maintain it. if not improve it. T.T well at least bit by bit the growing eye bags are paying off. (: but it's not enough. D: anyway I'm lucky I have math tuition now haha.
BOYS! ho. sensitive issue. the only reason why it's boyS and not boY, is because. well. basically everything's a mess. an idiot I can't get rid of, someone I completely hate and abhor, a shitload of people I don't even know that well, a few seriously disillusioned acquaintances, and a really nice guy I have no intention whatsoever of losing his friendship but friends just ain't gonna fly with him, but the most frustratinggggggggggggggggg thing in the world is that I don't want any of it, I only want three special words from a special someone, and don't get me wrong, everything's fine in that department, but it's just that HOW COME A MILLION AND ONE PEOPLE CAN SAY THE RIGHT THING, and ONE IN A MILLION can't? it doesn't make sense ):
my parents... well. I'm getting along just fine with mum. but it's dad that gets on my nerves sometimes. he's lucky I'm a girl, if I were a guy, I'd be just like him and lose my temper a lot. cos the things he says sometimes are like really pissifying. I've just gotten used to it, I think. like it's easier to shut my ears off when he says stuff like that, rather than listen and get bloody friggin pissed and try so hard not to show it, but fail anyways, and have him scream at me even louder for not looking like a scared lil sucker when he scolds me
I hate this post.
I don't even wanna talk about friends outside of school. ): I've only got a problem with one of em, and she's not even my friend anyways, the only reason I know her is that I know her name. which is hardly a reason to call someone your friend, so I shouldn't really have any reason to be pissed because of some shit that she did. but I don't care, it's not fair, it's precisely because she's not my friend that she did that shit, she doesn't even know me dammit. D:
I know I'm going to regret saying too much later. but I don't really care right now.
D: why's life gotta be so tough. I wish when shit happens to me, it wont happen like in droves. does a whole lot for my mood, you know? I can't really stop when I start feeling like a piece of shit.
posted by aney @ 10:06 PM
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