\since we're such awkward bedfellows

I'm fucking pissed off with my dad now.

I was going to sleep at 1030pm today, finally an early night right? because I was falling asleep doing lit so I decided what's the point and I went to go and sleep

and he woke me up less than 5 minutes after I'd crawled into bed. WHY?! JUST TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT MY FUCKING PHONE BILL

of all the blasted things in the fucking world! and just half an hour ago he asked me to sit down for dinner with the family and he commented on how tired I looked. WOW GEE THANKS FOR WAKING ME UP DAD. I KNOW MY PHONE BILL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY RESTING RIGHT

his exact words: bloody idiot bloody bloody fool bloody idiot stupid silly idiot

he strung all those words together. and you know what, under normal circumstances, I would've just been really really hurt. but no, I'm far too used to him to feel hurt or to even bothered by what he says, honestly I DON'T FUCKING CARE. even if he says he wants to punch me or slap me or whack my head with a stick I don't give a fucking shit. if he thinks that's gonna make me feel so fucking scared of him like OHMYGOD! OH NO! WAH FUCK I BETTER DO WHAT HE SAYS

then sorry no way. it's just not wired in my system to be like that I'm fucking sorry and it's been close to 17 years and he still hasn't figured that out, that whatever he thinks every other parents should be doing, isn't working.

I am never gonna marry a guy who can't learn to control his anger. I get it, people lose their tempers sometimes but you have to know when to stop. dammit.

he's so fucking lucky I didn't choose to run away altogether if I wanted to run away I would've done it when I was sec2. the only thing that's keeping my wits in one place is my cousin I would seriously go to hell without her.

tonight's the first night that I've ever wished he was dead. I know I never never should be thinking that thought no matter what but I cannot understand what goes on in his brain he never tries to see things from my perspective, unlike my mum, at least she tries.

I fucking hate my dad.

God help me. ):

posted by aney @ 10:57 PM