THE TIME IS NOW.
so I'm running away,I'm leaving this place
yeah I'm running away
I'm running away
faster than you can follow me
from this lonely place
and farther you can find me
I'm leaving
yeah I'm leaving today
and I'll never let you find me
I'm leaving you behind me
no I won't look back
amin just told me what I should have figured out for myself ages ago. he didn't do it voluntarily though, technically not. I asked him to tell me and he did, and I'm really very thankful for that, THANKS FRIEND! if you're reading this! ^^
I'm never sincere when I'm in love, unless I'm really honestly extremely far gone for someone. that was this year, actually, but never mind that. I've since moved on. I never understood why a lot of the guys that I befriended just shied away after a while, and now I realize it's because of this image that I have apparently.
that I fall for guys extremely fast and that I get overly emotional when it comes to relationship issues. most of the time I can't even figure out why I get too emotional. it just happens for no good reason at all. basically, amin told me I have a playgirl image, to put it bluntly.
believe you me, it sounds hella weird saying that about myself, because I never saw myself that way, but I guess since I really do fall for people quite fast then it's true? and at the expense of sounding horribly, unbelievably egoistic and delusional, I say this: I've had 'something' with most of the guys that I've liked.
not exactly something that I should be proud of. 's funny. I always saw myself as exactly the opposite of playgirl. for one, I don't have the looks to carry it off. and I definitely don't have the 'moves' to qualify as one. but I guess there's more to it than that huh?
this part's of me's going straight to the closet right now. I'm gonna shove it under my carpet and trample on it until it's completely freaking gone. I don't wish to hurt or get hurt any more than I already have. I've been like this since, well I dunno, sec1 probably. and I should stop doing it. for myself and for all my friends.
I love you guys, and honestly, if I've ever hurt any one of you all because of this 'image' of mine I'm really very sorry. it kinda sickens me the number of times I've said sorry for hurting others this year alone, but this is really a very legitimate reason.
I really don't deserve the presence of someone special in my life. I haven't done anything to deserve it, in my opinion. to the one that I love right now... I'm better off not liking anyone at all. so I don't hurt anybody.
this whole post just sounds freaking egoistical, but i'ma tell you right now, that's what it is. I'm not bullshiting or anything. right now I just feel like the most shameless person on the face of the earth. am I ashamed of myself? haha you have no idea.
all my life I've said to myself that I don't like bimbos and flirts and whatever shit when here I am being the exact same thing that I didn't want to be.
HYPOCRITICAL, MUCH
ah fuck. I've got to put a stop to this RIGHT
NAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
once again, I'm really sorry you guys. I really honestly am.
and amin! I owe you a treat at ben&jerry's or haagen dazs or something. :D
sigh. I love you guys <3
posted by aney @ 11:17 PM
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