\since we're such awkward bedfellows

it's like falling in love- one step at a time.

hello.

I've been mugging econs non-stop since I got home from scholarship day and french class, and I don't think it's helping me much. my grasp of the concepts is still quite shaky, there's lots of blanks to be filled in. I'm gonna be done for if I let this continue. which I WONT. i swear it. I have no intention of seeing a big ugly U on my end of year report card. :x

my problem for cts, as far as econs is concerned, is that I didn't mug enough. and even after I mug, I don't know how to apply it. when I finally figure out how to apply it, I'm not accurate enough. when I try and be more accurate, I get so freaking paranoid I ask too many questions and I confuse myself, and I end up writing too long. but when I try and shorten it, it doesn't seem accurate enough!!!

SEE THIS IS WHY I WISH I WAS PERFECT SOMETIMES. so I'd be smart enough to just get it right just like that without having so many problems, walao. -.- nevermind, I'll work hard! AND I'LL GET IT, eventually. hopefully eventually will be before promos, cos I can't afford to get it just before A levels after all. damn.

WHATEVER. I'm just going to make a kick-ass comeback for promos. such a kick-ass comeback, that I'll shock my parents, and my friends (okay not so much my friends, cos WE ALL KNOW I'M SO SMART RIGHT, LIKE YEA.) but my teachers probably won't be so surprised.

oh yea, and when I say kick-ass comeback, I mean RELATIVELY kick-ass. compared to cts. you know, haha.

major change of topic.. this is gonna sound frivolous, but it's important to me.

maybe the best thing to do is to just don't give a fuck about it. he'll come when he wants to.

I just can't help wishing he'd come sooner rather than later. it'd make me that much happier. really. everybody thinks that as a 'lover' (god, I hate referring to myself like that) I'm super cmi. I know why. but what the hell makes you think that I won't make myself change once I find the right guy?

the reason I keep looking for other people is because I don't know much about that person to completely tie myself down in the first place. is that so wrong?! isn't that why people date? not because it's fun, but because you don't want to get hurt by tying yourself down when there's not much TO tie yourself down to.

so maybe YOUR way of doing it is to focus all your attention on one guy/girl once you find that you've got feelings for him/her. sure, that's cool too. but I can't do that without falling completely head over heels for that person! and that is not something that I want to do, honestly.

it isn't fairrrrrrr. I don't know, just don't categorize me, cos I'm not who you think I am. you know first impressions aren't everything.

shit, this is depressing. I'll continue doing econs now. not that that'll get any less depressed doing it, but it's better than thinking about this.

EH OH MY GOD THERE'S A FREAKING FIRE IN THE FLAT DOWNSTAIRS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

actually this is quite cool. but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i think it's only a small one and I'm not gonna die but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

posted by aney @ 6:52 PM