\since we're such awkward bedfellows

invigorated

haha I just saw my face in the rj newsletter haha damn ugly ):

cfm I'm going to turkey! :D well at least for 10days, with my family. dad says the thing about my attachment to a turkish family for an entire month in december is still on hold, cos he's not sure if he's found a suitable family or not.

I hope he does! I have this rosy picture of staying there like it's all fun and games, but I have this funny feeling that it won't just be about having fun.. ohwell I'll just go with the fun and games aspect of it, cos if I get too pumped up for a life-changing experience, chances are, it won't happen.

ain't that right? when you expect something to happen, it doesn't. when you least expect it to happen it jumps you like a homesick puppy: with lost abandon haha.

anyhows one of the first things dad told me about going to turkey was that there's a lot of hot guys. haha. gee dad knows me so well... hahaha no la I'm kidding. a little bit. I mean I know two turkish guys, one based in singapore and another based in turkey, and they're both smoldering hot, but they've just got this dao look, so I don't know.

more importantly I saw an ad about turkey plastered all over bus no 700 on the way home yesterday and it looks mighty interesting I want to go! apparently it'll be winter by the time we touch down and there'll be SNOW. effing snow! none of the crumbly icecube nonsense that you get at snowcity that looks like they just took all the leftover ice from the fishmongers at the marketplace and dumped it all over the place, but REAL SNOW!

well not that I would know if real snow wouldn't look like the snowcity variety either, but I'm just naturally inclined to believe everything Singapore tries to imitate is farcical and nonsensical no matter how impressive the feat in itself is..

I'm most probably leaving either 7th or 8th nov. I hope it's 8th, cos class chalet is 5th to 7th (I think) and if possible I wanna have the best of both worlds. both turkey and 1C! I don't wanna miss my class chalet and I also obviously don't wanna give up turkey..

well hope for the best!

got back from chan bruddddderrs travel and soon after my house was swarmed by relatives. you know, hari raya. haha. this particular bunch who came today, I haven't seen in like three years, man. people can grow up a lot in three years, and I've got this nephew who's a year older than me! far outttt, yo. he's really nice and he's really goodnatured and just generally a nice person to talk to.

I don't remember him being quite as easy to talk to last time I guess three years is enough to break out of your shell haha. but it's cool, you know, we were laughing at his cousin playing guitar hero, and he sucked and he made loads of funny comments.

just nice to hang out with a new person from time to time, you know! and especially when the other person is equally willing to kick back and just get to know you better and is just naturally goodnatured. I think his name was kamarul. he tried to salam me but it was soooo weird he's older than me! so he wanted to kiss my hand as per normal (that's what you're supposed to do to people who are older than you, or in terms of familial rank) and I was like errrrr haha no. then I just withdrew my hand and he just stopped in midsalam and then he smiled and went like "haha okayy."

made me realize I've been itching to hang out with new people lately. that is, new people who are goodnatured and nice generally, and easy to hang out and talk with. just wanna get to know more people! ((:

another thing.. you know it's not like I've never heard of people in Singapore who are constantly beleagured (spelling?) by problems but. I just never came into direct contact with any of them.. again made me realize that life is fragile and that He could just take everything away if He wanted to. nothing is yours, after all. it's all His in the end.

my parents were telling stories to my relatives just now and I was sitting there after everyone was done eating (there was a mad rush for the chicken nuggets okay I'm so glad I went to ntuc to buy them before everyone came hahaha)

apparently during the fasting month they picked up this old lady who lives in oneroom flat in queenstown, I think, which is apparently a little of a ghetto neighbourhood. she lives alone cos her husband died 5 years ago and she has nine children but none of them are willing to take care of her. she sells nasi lemak at the queenstown mrt sometimes, illegally, for food, gets 70bucks a day and is regularly chased away by NEA officers I think... but they don't have the heart to do anything more than keep chasing her away, cos she can't get money if not!

she appeared on telly the other day, crying because she's sad that her children don't care. they don't even give her money. and then when she appeared on tv they had the cheek to tell her off. she told them to just build a cement grave for her when she dies, nothing fancy, not even her name there, because they obviously don't care about her while she's alive so it's no use giving her a huge nice grave when she dies. )))):

and you know what striked me the most, my parents asked her why she didn't just apply for a support from muis cos she's obviously eligible for it, and she said "well, there are people who need that money more than I do". like wow, she can really still be so thoughtful and so rooted and so principled even in the face of such adversity, I really really really salute her even if I've never met her in my entire life.

again I question if I'd be able to do the same if I were in her shoes. I probably would never forgive my children and I would probably just apply for financial support straightaway from any willing organisation, after like three months of living like that..

and you know why I didn't go with my parents? COS I WAS DOING MATH. FRIGGIN MATH, OF ALL THE THINGS IN THE WORLD, LIKE I'M JUST TOO IMPORTANT TO WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE THIS OLD LADY WTF. why should I care how well I've implanted math concepts into my head when I could just as well be learning something way more fulfilling and way more meaningful just by meeting this lady? geez. -.-

I want to help, you know? in some way, even if I'm only 17 and I don't even have a job yet or never even had one. I just wanna know I'm not just delving into my studies and smothering my face with notes and annoying little details, when people in my immediate surroundings are struggling to get through life. it isn't like I'm sailing through JC life, in fact I'm struggling with some of my subjects, but it's still different.

having difficulty saying this. but it's just.. there comes a point when you wonder why you're even still chasing that dream job when other people can't even pay their own damn bills.

but it's just like mum said. there aren't many educated Malays around and most Malays make up the working class and maybe the lower middle class. I don't really know how much truth there is in that statement, but if I'm one of the Malays that actually can get a privileged education and a good job and a good pay, then I should actually be one of the few Malays around who gets a good pay.

after all it's only the very affluent members of society who actually have the extensive financial resources to help out, reach out as much as they can. I can reach out when I grow up, do more concrete things for the needy than most other can, so I must.

scary talking like this, I'm placing so much faith in myself that I'll be successful in my chosen profession, and now it makes me kinda have a responsibility to be successful, which is rather daunting. I need to be loaded when I grow up, so I can spread the money around to those who need it. there's that nagging doubt that I can actually do that.

but I'll just have faith in myself and control that voice that says I can't do it. cos now I must. and if I believe I can, I will. and then that voice won't have any power.

..... wooo this is some soul-searching stuff, yo, never set out to do any soul-searching when I decided to blog tonite, but you never know what you're gonna get.

posted by aney @ 11:52 PM