freaking pissed off. I NEED TO SIGN IN. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. polly said she had something to say to me, but that I must sign in first. AND I HATE SUSPENSE. I FREAKING HATE SUSPENSE. you'd know that, if you know me well enough. I think. prolly why I can't watch horror movies without screaming my ass off, even if it's five whole seconds before the whole cinema starts screaming away but whatever. I have this overactive imagination that like goes into overdrive when I know that I'm not being told something.
my weakness I think! hm that's cool. can't believe I realized a weakness in myself after all this msn nonsense. -.-
I think it runs in the family! my brother always pesters me about what's going on on csi if he comes to watch it after the half the show is gone, and when he butts in to conversations he says in this freaking annoying agitated voice: WHAT! WHAT! WHAT?! WHAT?! KAK (malay for big sis) WHAT KAK! KAKKKKK! OI! WHAT! WHAAAAAATTTTTT. and it usually works. it's only cos I want him to shut the hell up -.- aiyo
today. I am feeling. like a bitch. don't wanna say why. ): but I'm also confused. because I have no idea if it was anything I did that's made somebody withdrawn. as in, not withdraw like you know withdrawing from moelc or anything, but withdrawn. like personality withdrawn. yea. how articulate of me. -.-
anyway! I have this great big hunch that it was something I did, or maybe didn't do, or possibly did but didn't realize I did (which seems to be the case mostof the time, apparently), or maybe even purposely did without thinking about how somebody'd feel like if I did it. I DON'T KNOW. see overactive imaginations suckkkkk.
I just didn't mean to cause any harm.. well not THAT much harm anyway..... okay I should stop talking, really. :/ but. butbut.
aku sayang sama dia. kapan dia kaget, gue juga kaget. tapi dia tak pernah ngomong sama gue, mengapa sih dia kaget. gue nggak paham. lebih kaget lagi dibuatnya. aku mahu dia tau, aku sayang dia, tapi aku tau, sebenarnya aku nggak bisa sayang sama dia. gue sayangkan dia bukan karena gue butuhkan kasih sayang dari sesiapa. gue betul2 ikhlas, sayang sama dia karena gue betul2 perhatian sama dia. sayang banget sih.
udah enam bulan gue simpankan perasaan gue. gimana mau bilang sama dia? terus.. gimana kalo dia tak menyimpan perasaan sama untuk gue? KAGET! mati aku. gue nggak tau sih... kebingungan!!!!
gue mau lupakan dia. tapi susah. usah tanya sama gue mengapa sih, susah? gue nggak tau!!! susah banget. pening kepala gue dibuatnya ):
so that was my very poor attempt at trying to speak in indonesian, and in case you were wondering, it's not a load of rubbish. it's actually got a message to it, about somebody I care about. it's a guy, but we're just friends, he's just been different lately anddd I'm kinda worried. that's all.
there's a lot more to the message than just that, but that's like uhh confidential stuff I guess. well not really. I wanted to put it into words, but not in real life, and here's the only place I can do that. go figure.
oh and my 'ability', if you can even call it that, to talk in some SEMBLANCE of how indonesians talk like, has got nothing to do with my being part indonesian. zilch. nada! I understand them when they talk to me, most of the time, but I just screw up talking in indonesian myself. my knowledge comes mainly from watching indonesian soaps on suria when I was in sec3/4. HAHA. no really.
okay PEEDUBBBBBBEW CALLS. dancing dragons (x wooh! bye
posted by aney @ 9:03 PM
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