\since we're such awkward bedfellows

as far as I'm concerned, today was the most horrible day I've had in a long time. it doesn't have anything to do with anything that happened over the course of the day. I just realized something that made my heart plummet down to my toes. it might sound a tad cliche, but do trust me when I say that I'm not just saying this for no reason at all.

it's that same sinking feeling at the base of my stomach, it just makes me stare off into space, and wherever I am, see nothing at all except for that overpowering feeling and the thoughts running through my mind. the love of my life could be staring me right in my face and I wouldn't notice.

void. it's that one simple word, the only word I can use, to describe how I'm feeling right now. the last time I ever felt like this was when I realized I can't love him like he loves me because there's no such thing as an 'us' as far as my parents are concerned. no matter how much I love him I love my parents more and there's nothing I can do when they're so against my having him as my boyfriend. I owe my life to them. the least I could do is please them when it's my turn to sacrifice something for them..

but this time I don't know where this void came from. was walking towards piano class at sembawang today when I realized exactly what it was. it's like a little monster eclipsing my ability to appreciate the things around me. awkward expression, but i don't care. it's weird.

am I fucking insane? why the hell do I suddenly feel like this. it's fucked up, I don't even know what hit me and then suddenly I feel like I've got nothing inside of me any more. why now. two weeks before the fucking promos. forget that, why? WHY do I suddenly feel like this??

fuck this.

I need You. please I'm begging You get me out of this rut I need to know I'll be okay.

posted by aney @ 8:38 PM