basically, I forgot that I was wearing skinny jeans when I decided to be smart and jump over a chain link. could hardly move my legs up high enough, so I tripped, and my calf smacked gravel.
it was in the carpark. it probably could not have gotten more humiliating, because a random stranger screamed out loud when he saw me fall and then he started sneering at me. what a douche bag.
lol.
sigh.. today is hari raya aidiladha. but strangely enough I didn't even go to the mosque today, cos I can't even step in. that time of the month. I just visited three houses in all and spent half an hour at one of them saying prayers. I had lunch twice, and a hearty dinner indeed.
but then my dad lost his temper on the way home because I didn't help my brother link up to the internet modem on his laptop, and then I'm still feeling quite dispirited from that.
how long is it gonna take for me to ever accept that my dad can be pretty much a freaking ass when he's pissed off? I can't take that you know, I really can't, and I often find myself wondering why my mum puts up with it. personally, I find it hypocritic of my dad, I don't believe he works where he does, and I really shouldn't be saying it here, but I don't care, I need to say it somewhere.
at least when I lose my temper, I don't lose my ability to think rationally as well. I thought part of being an adult was learning how to control yourself. I didn't even mess up horribly and he screams at me and calls me a bloody idiot and screams at me and brings in other things from my past that he knows I don't ever wanna talk about ever again.
I was thinking, he could go on and on forever about how darn stupid I am and how irresponsible I am and how I'm a bloody idiot, and he could threaten to beat me up silly a thousand times, but I just don't care anymore. you know after all this time I think of them as routine. empty threats. he always does it when he's pissed, but i don't particularly care, he can do it as much as he wants, and I still won't go the way he wants me to.
he just doesn't get that I can think on my own now, that I know what my limits are and I know how to follow instructions, and that just because I don't do things the way he does them, doesn't mean I'm not gonna get it done in the end all the same! it's really irritating, you know.
I tell you by the time this year is over I would've definitely learnt a lesson from dad.. how to suppress my anger. cool huh.
shit.
posted by aney @ 9:18 PM
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