\since we're such awkward bedfellows

"irregardless"

someone I know told me recently that I don't seem to care about friends that much. I don't know, maybe it's because I don't hang out with them all the time, maybe it's because I don't exactly shower loads of attention and care and concern to my friends all the time.

it makes my skin crawl, hearing someone say that about me. it hurts you know, a wholeeee lot. ): honestly I spent an entire night last week crying so much I might as well have dunked my head in a pail of water, my face was so drenched with tears.. how could they say I don't care about my own friends.... what kind of person would I be if I didn't care about my friends? am I really someone who gives that kind of impression?

of course I freaking care. shit. what do you want from me.. to devote all my time and attention to you? to just hang out with the people you hang out with all the time? what is it?! is it all just because I like both sides, because I alternate a lot between them, that makes you feel like I don't care?

why does this even matter, I thought you knew I love you as my friend and that I really do treasure you. I thought you believed that. to think that you've been friends with me all this while, harbouring doubts about how much I care, keeping your own perceptions of how much I care about my friends, it feels like a complete utter lie.

why are you my friend if you doubt that I care? it feels like you've been bullshit-ing me all along, okay, that's exactly how I feel.

so you might not be my best friend. but you're a close friend, one of the people that I care most about in my life. and that's a good enough reason for me to care about you. even if I might not show it a lot. I swear, I honestly swear, that I do, and it hurts that you doubt I care.

posted by aney @ 8:48 PM