\since we're such awkward bedfellows

hindsight?

hi friends.

what an unrestrained post that was. the more I read it the more I get a headache. I mean it was so littered with f-words. they were literally everywhere... gosh. slightly ashamed now, I'm literally shaking my head in front of my laptop

so I must apologize. if I made anyone uncomfortable with the shameless use of the f-words.. I don't really have an excuse for myself, haha. even though I was pissed, I should have been able to restrain myself sufficiently.. ):

mum was pissed. when I told her. maybe it helped that when I told her, I was lying on the sofa in the living room drenching my own face with tears and staining my glasses, I must have looked quite pathetic. haha.

but mum was more pissed that I'm not able to control myself when I'm pissed, rather than being pissed about my losing my phone. and here I must admit with much regret that it's the second time I'm losing my phone.

first time it happened, I lost it at the mosque. and no it wasn't in the lost and found corner. gee I wonder who took it?! ): anyway

mum said she understands that people do stupid things when they're pissed. that she's had to tell her staff off countless times about doing stupid things when they're pissed. that it's not worth it, letting it take over you.

it's a lesson I'm gonna take a longgggg long time to learn. ha. cos well, generally I don't really get pissed off that easily. but when I do get pissed off I can pretty much be either violent and unrestrained (as you can see..) or I just focus so much attention on cooling myself down that I forget to pay attention to not doing brainless things...

funny. the only way I have currently, of restraining myself, is by clencing my fists and fixing my eyes at a certain random spot and concentrating all my attention at it. sort of like giving that spot a death stare. haha. well it works.. sometimes... but I didn't think of doing it yesterday. I just felt like kicking something

anyway. this is such a dodgy topic, it makes me uncomfortable somehow.. :/

if you haven't already figured it out, don't bother with smses or calls, I won't pick up. for obvious reasons.

and I'm contemplating whether I should just deal with using mum's old phone (it's old, but it's not ancientttt. as in it's not a monotone ringtone kinda phone. that would suck.) or save up to buy a new phone, without a contract.

see if I use my mum's old phone, I can use the money to buy myself contacts just like I wanted to since even before this year. ha. if I don't, then no contacts, but new phone.

frankly I'd rather have contacts and an old phone. ain't like I use my phone for anything much other than sms and calls. which means an old phone should be good since I generally only use my phone for basic functional purposes only.

yeah well. dad doesn't know! mum's making me tell him on my own. I'm speechless. literally. how to tell him! I don't know man! all he knows is that. well. I don't wanna mention what he knows, actually. haha.

seeyou guys bye

posted by aney @ 2:45 PM