\since we're such awkward bedfellows

that lingering touch

currently addicted to the song I hate this part by PCD. I know, it was out a long time ago but I just got the feel of it. :)

anyway you know what, if I didn't know better I'd think I have a stalker. -.- haha no I'm kidding, he's not actually a stalker of course, he's an old crush of mine! IN PRIMARY SCHOOL, nonetheless... it is realllllly infuriating the way he keeps showing up at my void deck at that particular hour. I mean I have never spoken to him before, EVER. even in primary school.

at this juncture it would be evident that my only reason for crushing on him was because he's a stud. the kind who always has a posse following him around.

anyway he's been showing up there for three nights a row with his friends and he never fails to smirk at me and call out my name while he's at it. MY NAME. MY NAME?! I never even talked to the dude. and he knows my name? -.-

it's even more infuriating because every time he calls out to me he has to say something about my being in raffles. i mean, it's like, just FUCK OFF DAMMIT?!

on to more important news. I bought a cleo magazine today! haha. I regret spending 5bucks+ on that. it's just full of tips on beauty and sex and dating and at first I was looking at the pretty people inside and going man I wanna be as pretty as that. but then it gets pretty drab, don't you think? gross.

yesterday my cousin told me that it's not my fault I don't have a boyfriend. it isn't like no one's ever told me before, but it gets hard to believe without the cold hard facts.. I've got 3 years to find me one, she said, and it's fine that I don't have one now.. and that if things keep screwing up between me and a certain someone, it's because things aren't meant to be and that there's someone even better somewhere out there waiting for me.

I would like to put all my money on it and just go with blind faith but I don't really see what is so desirable about me. sure, there's random guys asking for my number on the street (believe me, it disgusts me more saying this than it disgusts you hearing it) but that doesn't count. it feels like I'm missing something sometimes, and I just haven't got enough spice, if you know I'm saying.

I would like to ask a particular guy friend what he thinks about me, a platonic friend, because I've asked similar things before, and yeah well, I've always been a little too frank for my own good. but I like it that way.

it all boils down to insecurity, I suppose, because I have never looked upon myself as someone who actually has a sparkling personality or an xfactor or something like that.

-.- how depressing. yesterday I managed to dispel all nasty thoughts from my mind with a nice cone of macadamia nut icecream from haagen dazs, but today it just keeps invading my thoughts persistently and I've just been sort of dazed the entire day.

sigh. life is tough. I'll get out of this phase, I know, but I'll fall into it again, and it's like a never-ending cycle. gosh.

I'll be gone from tmr evening until monday, on holiday! my final one before 2008 ends and I'll be condemned to a life of mugging, mugging and oh yea, more mugging. screw this man. -.-

posted by aney @ 10:16 PM