but before I do that, I've got to get something down, something that I was thinking about after i went for hci(high school section)'s open house today with my bro and my parents.
i didn't go for the rg open house when it was my turn to sit for psle, and i dont really remember much from mgs's open house either. but I guess all the top schools in singapore market themselves the way hci does, by telling everyone how fantastic the curriculum is and how impressive their track record is and everything. even smu and nus and ntu tell the parents that exact same thing, and it's always about excellence and stellar achievements in you know, every academic field imaginable, that sorta thing.
but what got me thinking is this. you know all this talk about achieving excellence, and getting the best education there is, and everything, what's it gonna do for me at the end of the day? I mean I know getting a good education really helps, but that's not the most important thing, everybody knows that.
see. well. kay lemme try and make you understand this. it's what I think, anyway. I have no doubts that when I grow up, I'll join the workforce and become an indispensable member of society. I have full confidence that I'll be able to contribute to the society, be more than just a unit of society. I'll be special, I'll be different. I know it. (i'm not about to go into the definitions of 'special', cos it's different for everyone, and I've got my own measuring stick. (: ) I know what I want to do after I finish my a levels, and I know which career path to take. and getting good grades and having a good cv will definitely help, everybody knows that too.
but you see at the end of day, I don't just want to be a contributing member of society. I don't want to be seen as a lapdog of the system. I don't want to be enslaved by the system. I want a good job, yea, but I don't want to be consumed by my job. because that would really suck.
in other words, I want happiness. self-actualization, contentment. but if happiness is more than just about getting a good job, then what exactly is it? everyone talks about the importance of being happy at the end of the day, when you reach 60 years old, look back at your life and say 'I did a good job.' and be proud of yourself. but no one's happy in singapore. look the statistics. people in philippines are way happier than us, according to some happiness index or something. and most of them there don't even have good jobs!
so what is happiness really about?? I may be too young to actually know what I want out of life beyond a good career, but I really want to know what it means to be happy. how do you work towards achieving a goal, when you don't even really know where to stop, when you don't know where the finish line is? you have to work hard to be happy, but how far do you go before you know you've got what you wanted? it's like a paradox. of course you'll know when you're happy, right? but when you think about it, it's hard to know when you're happy. because happiness is different for everyone, for some it means getting CEO status, and others can just be happy with having a good husband, wonderful angelic children, and a mediocre life.
what's my definition? I really wish I could figure it out right now. but i can't. i don't know what i need to be happy, so I can't work towards being happy.
sigh.
life is tough, huh? :P
I know some people might say it's not relevant right now, I mean who cares, as long as you get good results for alevels? but you really don't have much time, do you. once you get to university, your life is more or less made, IF all goes well. you don't figure it out soon, you'll never get it. which is scary. I don't wanna be a zombie. I don't wanna have a good job but not be happy. so HOW?!
okay this is as far as it gets. i'll just keep on going if i don't stop myself, so I will, right now. I'll go do math. 8D bye!
posted by aney @ 4:05 PM
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