guys you sound like this is a frigging contest to see who can get most screwed up for cts, SHADDDDDDUPPPPPP!!!! %$(&^&%$*@
why not leave it at this: we're ALL screwed up for cts, just a matter of varying degrees of screwedup-ness. CAN! that way, we'll all KNOW that we're all screwed up, but we won't have to DO stupid things like convincing each other we're more screwed up than THEY are. even if it might be true. I DONT CARE ANYMORE. CAN JUST SHUT UP AND DO YOUR BEST NOT? SCREW UP PUN SCREW UP LA, STILL GOT PROMOS WHAT! ITS NOT THE END OF THE FRIGGING WORLDDDDDDD.
lerr. STEP seh korang
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dammit I find that I keep giving the wrong impression. whether it's love, or when people see me but don't talk to me, or if it's studies.
love--drop a hint that I DON'T like him, to the person that I like/am starting to like. when it's justtttt starting to work out! as in we're both getting to click very well. and we're just basically getting along quite well. then I drop the hint and then he gets the message and by the time I realize that hey I really like this guy, I can't let him go just like that. he already thinks I don't like him. when I DO. I DO I DO I DO. T.T and I can't exactly jump in front of him and go HEY MAN I THINK YOU'RE THE BOMB, WILL YOU PLEASE BE MY BOYFRIEND or some shit like that. and we haven't been close long enough to talk face-to-face about liking each other so it gets kinda screwed up, actually freaking screwed up. D: I'm sorry dude. s. for being an idiot. wish I could tell you how I feel.
first impressions--aiyoh. apparently I give the impression that I'm a bimbo. and that I'm the sort of girl who only falls for hot guys. which is so not true. haha if you knew me well enough you'd know that's not true :P anyhow a classmate of mine thinks I look like a cheerleader (a FRICKIN CHEERLEADER!!! ?!?! uh no offence cheerleaders. it's more practical to go with the stereotypes here) and I'm completely disgusted. D: please don't say I look like a cheerleader. I have no intention of ever wanting to be in the same 3-mile radius of a pompom, please. T.T another friend of mine says that I'm an "all-rounder". which ain't true. haha. O.o WHY would it be true T.T check it, those two friends were both girls. I asked for a guy's opinion. he said I just look like I'm "fun". and not fun like haha! make me laugh! kinda fun you know, it's like HOHO. hurhur kind of "fun". sigh. nevermind. I quote: "and yes, a lil bit bimbotic" I DONT LIKE BIMBOS, YO. I NEVER HAVE. WHY WOULD I WANNA BE SOMETHING I DONT EVEN LIKE??? ):
studies--HAHA. this is the joke of the day! lots of new people I've met in school have labelled me a mugger. a MUGGER. HOHO, I say. HO FREAKING HO. that's just because I study more than you do! but that does NOT make me a mugger. MUGGERS, are people who study like their LIFE depends on it. they're people who study until got no life one eh. IS GNEEEEEISSS, I SAY. D: SO YOU SEE. ME NO MUGGER. ME PROUD THAT ME NO MUGGER. SMUG SMILE. aiya who cares lah. as long as everyone gets 5As for Alevels next year everyone should be happy with themselves okay!
that said, I honestly wanna do something more meaningful in my life. D: there's two things that I wanna do to this end. first is to pick up something like rock-climbing or learn wakeboarding or something, just some unconventional sport. the second is to join some meaningful youth organisation that's not just for show and actually do something I can be proud of. put my HEART into something, you know! and when I say put my heart into something, I don't mean the way the teachers mean it when they tell you to put your heart into your studies (they just mean put your ass into it), I mean c'mon. D: I mean, immerse myself in it--do it not because I have to, or not because I want to prove a point, but do it because I honestly want to, from the bottom of my heart. sigh.
don't you just feel like life is boring. meaningless. and therefore boring. I don't know, for me it does. I can force myself to just concentrate on my studies, I guess, but I'd get so absorbed, I'd become a workaholic before I can say 'nincompoop'. or before I even realize I've become a workaholic, that's even better. T.T I wanna find some way I can whole-heartedly help this world.
I hope I can find it before next year.. otherwise my whole life would just be studies. notes and tutorial assignments and term essays and lecture tests and tutorial tests and mounds and mounds of mugging... so mundane. I am more than just a sponge of information. I'm more than just a pretty little slip of paper saying I did well for my As. impressive, I guess (O.o) but it doesn't quite do it for me..
I'm gonna work towards having a full plate next year. make myself work things out. I need this. ugh. I need to know how to regulate myself and be disciplined.
ALRIGHT that's enough decision-making for one night, I'm tired, I'm turning in. :D ECONS IS DONE WOOH. AYEE BUT I'M STILL FAILING THE DARN THING. D: OKAY. IZ DEPREZZED NOW. WILL GO SLIT WRISTS NOW. BUAIIZX
posted by aney @ 3:00 PM
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