you know the thing that I hate the most about some adults?
it's that when they get pissed, it doesn't matter what you have to say for yourself, and they think they're always right when they perceive something about your behaviour even if they're jumping to conclusions.
even if you say nicely that they have it all wrong, they won't wanna listen because they're ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS! FUCKING RIGHT?! they go "I don't CARE! shut up!"
and then they use that tone with you and say that's that, and when you ask why, they go "you still wanna ask some more questions? I should smash your head. you can go to hell. you hear me? go. to. hell."
you can guess which adults I'm talking about.
and if I talk back, which is what I wish I could really do to my dad, I'll get a bloody nose. I'm not even joking.
at least when I get pissed I don't drag everyone else down with me, and at least I know to go and find a corner to be alone and just cool down.
feminist?
I can't decide if I like being a girl.
haha. just something that I've been wondering about the past few days. among other things. don't worry I've no intentions of undergoing a sex op or any such thing, but you just think about things like this from time to time.
the reason why I got to thinking about it is because...
I hate it when there are visitors, and there you are trying to be nice and being like a good host and stuff, and you serve them drinks and kuih and whatever, and then they're like
"alahai, dah anak dara! dulu kecik2 aje, skejap lagi dah bolehlah kahwin!"
translation: "you've grown into a young woman! you were so small last time, now you can get married in a few years' time!"
it might not sound as irritating to you, but it just gets under my skin.
it's as though I was just born to be a lovely darling little thing doing up all the chores at home and getting married when I'm of legal age to.
don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping out at home, but for god's sake, if I do it, it's not because I want to be seen as this giggly frail little helpless thing who's a good "anak dara" but it's because I can help, and I should help, SO I HELP!
I don't suppose you get what I mean, let's just say I'm feeling quite feminist this morning, for some reason. call me stubborn, I don't care. -.-
crazy
(disclaimer: whatever impressions/suspicions you might get from this post, please just ignore them, I'm being a total wacko tonight, you'll see why)
I'm a TREASURE.
that's right. a TREASURE.
somebody called me a TREASURE. wanna guess who?
nah I'll just go ahead and say it, you'll NEVER GUESS, omgggg. it's my boyfriend, he's just totally cute and hot and everything, and he's totally sweet, because calls me his treasure. :) are you jealousssssss. be jealousssssss. cmonnn. dontcha wish your boyfriend was HOT like mine. dontcha wish your boyfriend was a DARL like mine.
hahaha yeah don't believe a word of that bullcrap. I just downed a grande caramel frappe, so I'm kinda high. I'M ON THE NINTH FLOOR, BABY. NINTH FREAKING FLOOR. NOW WHERE'S MY CLOUD, I NEED TO BE ON CLOUD NINE.
no la, the truth is that, my mum's colleague called me and my bro treasures. 8D and it feels good to be called a treasure because sometimes I just feel like mum wishes I could be someone else. because she talks more about other people's children being exemplary children for me to emulate, more than she tells me how wonderful I am.
but actually she doesn't need to do that, I KNOW I'M WONDERFUL :D and I'm sure you agree right :D but honestly though, I know my mum, she rarely says touchy-feely stuff like that, she pretends she doesn't like it when I kiss her as a form of apology when I piss her off, but she LOVES it, I swear. just don't go thinking that I'm such an emo child okay. I know my mum loves me. :)
back to being a treasure! you know on hindsight, it was kind of a shallow thing to call me and my bro treasures, but see I have to tell you the context so you'll understand why it's kinda shallow.
she called me and my bro treasures because we're both in raffles. well technically my brother's not, but he's GOING to be. so I guess it's counted as well. and she threw in another really NEAT compliment as well! but don't need to say that, it's not important, lol.
dyou see what I mean? just because we're in raffles, we're treasures. I mean yeaa, i know, it's the whole WOW RAFFLES thing. but that's old, man. that's all she ever says about us. how smart we are. (supposedly)
I could be a treasure because of something else! like let's see. we all know that I'm such a beautiful intelligent educated humorous light-hearted woman right
hahahahaha I think I'm more grossed out by that myself, than you are right now haha. (x
anyway whatever it is, it's still nice to be called a treasure! how often do I get called a treasure huh. really, maybe it's because I've been in raffles so long I've forgotten that I'm actually special, and I say this matter-of-factly, okay. because everyone in raffles is special, that special becomes normal!
huhhuhhuhuh. cool thing huhhh.
okay whattt. no it's not cool, nevermind. -.-
hoooo okay I've got nothing more to say. I'm gonna listen to fall out boy now. their old songs, because I'm in a I-wanna-be-a-shallow-teenager kinda mood.
OMG MY BIRTHDAY IS NEXT WEEK!
I HARDLY NOTICED?!?!!
WHY SO SOON.
and I just asked a bunch of my friends to go out, it's gonna seem like I'm begging for a birthday party hahaha
-.- ohman really I thought it was like two weeks more or something. heh.
...
you're gonna think I'm faking this whole thing right, so I might as well fake faking it hahaha
or maybe I'll FAKE fake faking it. ...what does that even meannnn.
anyway this isn't a hint!
IT'S NOT!
I told you I'd fake.
forget it, I don't want you remembering my birthday's NEXT WEEK, 3rd DEC, THIRD. PLEASE DON'T REMEMBER THAT :D :D :D
it's like I checked into rehab, and baby you're my disease
i just got back! today was quite good :D
even though I got a little bit of a scolding from mum because I came home later than she prefers me to.
I had tuition at 2.45, and then I went orchard to meet my cousins! :D they'd been out since morning la, but since I had tuition, I couldn't go earlier ):
but it was still great! my older cousin brought me and my younger cousin (she's actually the same age as me) to eat at swensens, bought us bracelets and havaianas too! :) I really loved the swensens late lunch though, it wasn't so much the fact that it was swensens, haha it's just nice to kick back and talk crap with them sometimes.
with my loud cousin sitting beside me and the older one opposite me. heehee we even talked about boobs.
get this. boob sizes can be likened to fruits: the smallest ones are oranges, the bigger ones are watermelons, and the LARGEST ones are.. apples. you know why, because the apple isn't the size of the boob anymore, it's the size of the thing on the boob!
HAHAHA
yeah it's sick I know but I don't care it's damn funnyyyy. it made me think you know, how lucky the boyfriend/hubby must be, if you get one with the apple size, you probably don't need to buy your own pillow, can just use her boobs as your pillow hahaha
generally it was very fun :D and yayyy I did one of the things on my list. I spent more time with my cousins! (:
and update on everything else, I guess.
I tried learning it ends tonight on the piano, and it's a beautiful song on the piano, but MAN OH MAN. the verses are so fricking hard to learn. and I have to make my own score you know, because I can't find the score on the net. I'm watching youtube videos and learning.
it sounds 98% like the real song, but I didn't know it'd be that hard! :O
and I downloaded sheet music for drowning by the backstreet boys. aye it's nice on the piano aight. don't sneer. it's not nice. >:( wahaha. just that it's hard as well.
what else...
I was listening to at40 today and I heard a song which was about not wanting to pretend any longer. quite nice. I don't think it was about a girl, or anything about love. sort of has meaning for me. but I didn't get the song title, because ryan didn't say ): either that, I was too busy doing math.
tuition mah. I really don't like. it's not helping me at all.
ps. I just found that song I was talking about. guess what, the title's love remains the same. wtf. -.- i really thought it wasn't about love lor. aiyo. I think I wasn't listening properly, because the last line of the chorus is the title of the song alerrr. -.-
....i think I have a crush on katy perry. HAHA. no la. but she's so hot man. if I were a guy, she'd so be my new favourite pop artiste. and she's abit like pink, don't you think. but more feminine-looking, hahaha. that's why I like her. the pink thing.
and RIHANNA AND JT ARE SO HOT MAN. I wish I could be as hot as rihanna ): rihanna's the hottest female pop artiste in the business, I think, because she's not at all bimbotic and she doesn't even care even though she's fricken hot.
I should really stop talking about hot girls.
JT IS SO HOT. I WISH. erm. haha I wish I had someone like him in my life. !?! I don't know. I have to wish
somethingg. -.-
okay enough randomites. gtg! cya.
seventeen forever? i think not.
I'm highly turned off right now.
in the past half hour my laptop has decided to go on a power trip or something, TWICE. so this is the second time I've written the SAME blog post over again after losing all the stuff I already typed.
humph. oh yeah the first line, the "highly turned off" thing, is supposed to be a joke hee. cos my laptop got TURNED OFF. so did i. ha. :P
anyway here's what I have to say.
after coming back from turkey, I've realized how easy it is to lose yourself in the rhythm of metropolitan life. yeaaaaa I know it all sounds very cliche and all, but really once you see such beauty, and once you realize that's only a fraction of the beauty God gave to this world, you really see the importance of remembering that the world isn't just limited to what you see before your eyes
okay yeah. so I haven't really felt as though the holidays have officially started, in the sense that the feeling that I've really got A LOT, A LOT of time in my hands, hasn't really set in until now. even though holidays are almost half gone.
that's because I haven't been doing anything productive or memorable, excluding the actual vacation. my maid's been away and my parents have been on leave so it really felt like mega slackfest time.
but now my maid's back and my parents are going back to work. I'm beginning to start to want to do something more productive before school starts.
so I figured, since life is gonna be an utter mugging hell next year, and I'll be this lifeless being walking around school, feeling deprived of a soul, I might as well enjoy life while I still can now! in my own way, of course.
I'm gonna..
1. learn more contemporary songs on my piano (contemporary, meaning, songs normally played on the radio)
2. read more books which I find deep meaning in
3. listen less to meaningless songs and more to songs which I can actually find meaning in
4. cycle more!
5. spend more time with my cousins. :)
basically that's it. the list isn't complete yet, but I haven't thought up of anything else yet. for now this is it!
and yes I promise I'll start mugging soon. :D really.
I have to find an econs tutor, and decide if I still want maths tuition because I really really abhor it. and I have to buy my lit texts and read them and then mug seahist, most importantly. ihist can go and die
hahaha no la I'm kidding. sorta. :D
aight gtg it's late :D cya guys have fun. doing whatever you wanna do in the hols haha. (:
oh yea and just so there's a link to the title.. actually there isn't really a link. I'm listening to seventeen forever by metro station right now.
don't you just love it when a new song comes up on the radio that's totally congruent to whatever you're feeling inside? it really matches you know. I've probably had like a billion new favourite songs which match whatever I feel inside in my lifetime.
sighhhh. life is goooood. :D
well turkey pics are up :)
on facebook that is, so if you don't have facebook that's just too bad :D no la ask me lor the pics are still in my memory card anyways. O.o
anyhow.
psle results are out!
MY BRO IS GOING TO RI :D yeah I'm so proud of him! he sucked all the way until prelims, and yet he was still was super confident about getting into ri even after he only got on the waiting list after applying dsa. haha. he kept saying "when I get into ri next year" and mum and me would be like :S "IF! IF IF!"
yesterday he wasn't even worried at ALL, in fact he was watching kids central and playing piano and basically just acting like he was going to school for some random workshop or something, he's so insaneeee. it was me and my parents who were practically shitting our pants when we were in the school hall listening to the principal talk ahahaha.
I don't think I've ever heard him scream as loudly as when he saw that he'd been accepted into RI on the s1 option form. hahaha. he really let loose this roar of satisfaction haha. :P
the only thing I'm worried about is that he says things sometimes that make him sound cocky. I know he doesn't mean it and I know he's not cocky, but I swear if he gets cocky I'ma kick his ass. hahaha.
dad's scared he'll make a mess out of himself by becoming a cassanova because he can apparently see the potential. and truth be told I can actually agree a little bit. just a little bit. no matter how disgusting it is to actually admit that this piece of slime who's my brother would actually be popular with the girls, ew... but I promised my dad I'll take care of him, hopefully I won't have to do much taking care of..
well anyway aside from all that. I am really really proud of him and I'm really glad for him as well (: he deserves it.
next year is gonna be fun.... ha.
aside from alevels. T_T
turkiye :)
HELLOOOO (:
I'm back from turkeyyyyy xD
it was the most awesome place I have ever been to, aside from egypt. wow it's really a very nice place, that's what I've been trying to tell everyone who wants to listen hahaha. ya I know it sounds corny but I can honestly say that I will never forget turkey!
contrary to popular belief, at least as far as I can tell from what my friends' beliefs are, turkey's not actually exotic per se, haha. I'm serious. istanbul and ankara are actually normal functioning secular states. most of the towns aren't like super old and dusty that kind, I mean if you take away the historical sites and everything it's like a normal european city..
but because of the fact that there's a lot of historical sites around, it gives the whole country this semi-metropolitan, semi-ancient atmosphere.. it's difficult to explain. it's just really nice. (:
for one thing the people there are just about the most hospitable and friendly people I have ever met in my entire life. I had the opportunity to have my last dinner there with my dad's friend's friend who lives on the european side of istanbul.. which basically means he's loaded, haha, he's the owner of the anatolia restaurant at far east plaza! they're very very nice people.
I think my favourite part of the trip was this place called cappadocia. it's this place which is actually a volcanic landscape. it's very very very very nice. nice enough for people to start a booming hot air balloon business there, despite the very high costs.. i think it's like 220 us bucks per head. children included? yea.
but the view was spectacular... it literally feels like a dream when I go back to when I was still high up in the sky in the balloon... got a few mental snapshots, haha, and t really feels like it was a completely different world..
you've got to see the pictures to believe it la, actually. but I'm too lazy to upload my pics. I took a lot on the hotair balloon but after 8 days in turkey I only used up one 2gb memory card, haha. my dad used up one 8gb memory card halfway through the trip, and I was like hooboy.
actually the first thing that struck me about turkey was the realization that turkey's actually very much like a european city. it's secular country, most of it's in asia, but there's a part of istanbul that's considered part of europe. 98% of the people are Muslims, though. which is quite surprising, i mean considering the fact that practically the whole country is Muslim, you would THINK it'd be an islamic state, you know, with the islamic law being the only law, and all.. but it's actually secular.
not that that's a bad thing. it's actually good, considering the fact that turkey's growth rate has been climbing up quite fast? over the past decade. and when you think about the reasoning behind why the people want it to be a secular state, it actually makes sense. religion shouldn't be something that's enforced by the state, it shouldn't smother you and be implored upon you... being forced to subscribe to the values and adhere to the doctrines of a certain religion would actually defeat the whole purpose of it. believing in Him should be something that comes voluntarily, out of your own choice.
k I'll stop here, before I go on. haha I'm not usually this intellectual, if you will, heehee. I just had dinner with my parents outside, and the whole time we were discussing theology and history over our prata and nasi goreng and stuff, so yeah. lol, that's my parents for you. the family beside us was talking about having to attend some stupid wedding or something, what a contrast haha.
one more thing... before I give the main highlights of the trip. if you gave me the choice to, and if I had some way to speak fluent turkish within the space of a year, I'd actually not hesitate to study in a turkish university. for one thing, it's near europe AND asia, so I'll have the best of both worlds! besides, I like it that much. it's really awesome.
so yeah here's the best parts of the trip, as far as I'm concerned. no pics though, that comes when I've uploaded them all onto facebook or photobucket or something. I've actually got the memory card reader plugged in, with the memory card, I just finished viewing all my pics. but uploading is a whole different thing, ugh. so stay tuned. I guess. haha
anyways. this isn't order. just in whatever order I remember it by..
1. hot air ballooning!
already explained a little, upstairs. haha. can't really describe much else, the pictures will speak for themselves. (:
2. thermal pool
just like a hot spring, only it was definitely cooler because there was an indoor and an outdoor pool and a connecting tunnel which you could use to swim back and forth between them. there were two outdoor pools, it was a really peculiar sensation, having part of my body submersed in hot water and the other part of my body exposed to the cold autumn wind. haha.
3. underground city
no, I don't mean like a fully functioning city underground like um citylink mall? haha. it was underground city way back when the romans were still in power and the catholics were being persecuted for being catholic. there were 8 underground levels in the one I visited, but only the first four were open for visiting, cos it's too dangerous beyond that, haha.
it was cool la, they even had like traps ready for when the romans found out about their hideout. they had this rolling stone thing which was hidden, and if you rolled it shut anyone who was in the space behind the stone would be stuck there FOREVER. how cool is that!! and they even had like a winery and a chapel and a kitchen and even a STABLE underground. :O
4. ephasus
I don't know how to spell it, actually. it's the first roman city that was discovered, I think. and one of the greatest? most of it's in ruins la, but it's still intact so much so that you can imagine what the actual city was like back in its heyday. there was this huge theatre which is like double the size of the rg amphitheatre.. and the best part is that the acoustics are actually GOOD (:
the guide could stand on the stage part of the theatre, and if you climbed up way high on the steps of theatre, you could still hear him talk even though he wasn't even shouting.
OH. they even had a brothel there. haha. an ancient brothel, I mean. ironically enough, it's located just opposite the library, which is by itself considered the third largest ancient one ever I think. the guide showed us an AD for the brothel (YEAH an ancient ad), it was really hilarious, it consists solely of pictures. haha.
the toilets were interesting as well. apparently shitting was a big business back then (haha get it! get it! word play :D). they had like a courtyard INSIDE the toilet area, and then sometimes there'd even be musicians playing while the people shitted. wth right. lol
5. calcium terraces-- pamukkale.
oh wow this one is like a UNESCO world heritage site, I'm serious. you know there's this method of agriculture called terracing? (I think ah, cheh, cos I don't even take geog) it's exactly like that, except that instead of crops everywhere, the whole thing is drenched with calcium deposits, so the entire place is like WHITE. very very nice. it's called pamukkale, and it's really cool cos there's an ancient city built just besides the calcium terraces.
6. BELLYDANCING
hahahaha no I didn't actually bellydance myself, obviously, but I witnessed it firsthand for the first time in my life. the REAL DEAL. let's see... the second last dinner was at this restaurant cum nightclub place, and we were lucky enough for (apparently) the best bellydancer in turkey to perform for us that night.
I can't very well say if it's seductive or not, because obviously I can't be seduced by it, but judging from the mens' reactions I think it's very much seductive. but it doesn't make you salivate or anything. just makes them gawk a lot.
7. cruise on the bosphorus river.
the bosphorus is actually the river that separates the asian and the european part of istanbul. so we were really lucky to get a cruise on it, with one continent on each side. haha.
8. topkapi palace
just an old palace, lah, basically.
9. hagia sophia + blue mosque
both extremely spectacular. they're side by side, and if you get a hotel with a good view of it, you can really marvel at the architectural feats that they both are. I got an opportunity to pray at the blue mosque (:
10. grand bazaar, silk bazaar, spice bazaar
okay so as you can tell, I'm getting tired of explaining. lol don't know how many people are even gonna read this, I guess it's partially for my own benefit as well, so I can relive the memory again. haha.
anyway the bazaars are just like marketplaces, there's loads of shouting and lelong-ing and the corridors are packed, you have to be quite alert, otherwise some random shopkeeper with a wheelbarrow loaded with carpets might just run over your foot.
I won't forget the spice bazaar, either, for two main reasons. they sell viagra there, I'm very fascinated, the ad said: "turkish viagra, if you take you can make love 5 times a night" OMG WHO WANTS TO DO IT THAT MUCH IN A NIGHT. if I had a husband who wanted to do that I'd just tell him to fuck off, I wanna sleep. ha. O.o
and the second reason is because well. I got. uh. okay I'll just explain what happened.
mum wanted to buy pashmina scarves and dad wanted to buy ceramics. so we were in the shop and they were bargaining very insistently for the ceramics and the scarves. and the guy looked like he was getting a little irritated, so I was just staring at him and worrying that he might get really pissed off. and he turned and then he saw me staring at him and I wanted to smile at first, in the hopes that it'd at least cool him down a little bit, and then he licked his lips, in this way that reminded me of a frog. and I was the fly. okay, seriously.
and I stopped smiling. then he asked me to sit down, and he got my brother to sit in front of me, and I was still thinking, how nice of him. my legs hurt, cos I'd been walking a lot that day. and then I realized he was touching my knee. I was like O.o
okay maybe he's just leaving it there. so I didn't think anything of it. and then I was paying attention to the bargaining that was going on. and then he started STROKING MY FRIGGING KNEE. I was like ?!?!?! but still. I refused to believe anything wrong was happening. and then he squeezed my kneeeeee. like thrice. at once.
and then I looked at him and he WINKED. and he licked his lips again and I was like $#@&$# what the shittttt. i freaked out lah ohmigod I mean it's just a knee, but you know. the way he was licking his lips whenever he looked at me. do I look like a frigging MEAL to you walao. so I got up and I got my brother to follow me to where the more elderly shopkeepers were.
haha I didn't tell my parents. my dad would've wigged out right there and then I'd never be able to get back to the bus because he's uncontrollable when he's pissed. and at that moment all I wanted was to climb back onto my seat on the coach, get back to the hotel and just sleep. I was really tired.
yep... :S life is weird like that.
10. fatih
my tour guide, that's his name, fatih. haha I had a crush on him towards the end of the trip lol. first of all he's got the greenest eyes I've ever seen on a guy. they're almost literally shining by themselves. that was the first thing I noticed about him, actually. lol. but still I didn't think he was goodlooking.
and then he's really smart, he knows a LOT of historical facts, and I mean A LOT. he could spend like an hour and a half just talking about history and stuff, it's really really impressive. of course I couldn't stay awake through it all, but just the fact that he knows so many names and dates and stories is just really awesome to me. I mean I can't even remember my seahist dates properly. -.-
ohyeah he has an aussie accent, but he's turkish. I found that quite intriguing, until he said he spent some of his years down under because his dad had to work there. quite cool! but still I only thought he was goodlooking when most of the guys said he was a very handsome man when they had to introduce themselves to the whole tour group. haha, just one of those people who aren't goodlooking when you see them at first but then they just get increasingly goodlooking the more you look at them.
lol but it was just a crush la. I just think he's cute and that he's smart and he's quite an interesting character since he loves snowboarding. yup.
kay I'm done for tonight! what a friggin long post. haha.
well.. one thing I know is that right now singapore is the most BORING place on earth D: the only reason I'd actually be glad to be back here is because I've got very special friends here and I really love them a lot. (: if I could live overseas and somehow bring them all overseas with me I would, I wouldn't hesitate to.
the whole trip just seems so surreal to me. so much so that I realize how easy it is to be caught up in my own world all the time. before this my world just consisted of whatever was happening in my life. can get quite hectic, although I know I'm relatively free-er compared to other people I know.
but still I was very much caught up in it. and now that I've seen what turkey has to offer, I realize that there's so much more to the world than singapore. sure it's important to work your ass off while you're here in singapore, but at the same time, here, if you get too absorbed into work life, you'll forget the beauty of the rest of the world.
I forgot that there's a whole new different world out there, aside from turkey. europe, indonesia, south africa, everywhere. they're worlds apart from singapore, and I really shouldn't forget that life is more that just about accomplishing what you want for yourself. it's also about cherishing what you've already accomplished, giving from what you already have, learning from what other people have or may not have.
I think that's the beauty about travelling. in the first place, I don't really like to be kept in one place, but I will if I really put my mind to it. which isn't really good for me, I think, because then I'll forget about travelling. and the thing about travelling is that it allows you to be thankful for what you have, without getting too high-and-mighty about having what other people in other countries might not have. in fact most of the time YOU'RE the one learning lessons about life from THEM. which is beautiful, in my opinion.
here, you might think you have it all, a job you love, a salary your wallet loves, a good house, whatever. I want to have all those in the future, I always have. but going to turkey makes me realize never to confine myself simply to how I see my own life. other people might not be as well off in other countries, but they could still love their own life just as much as you love yours. which is something extremely profound for me.
yup. I love travelling. if I had a million dollars I'd jetset all over the world after I finish my university degrees and everything. but since I don't, working hard is the way to go. so travelling is now added to the list of things I want to do in my life, after giving money to people who need it more than I do, and of course meeting somebody awesome. (:
GOODBYE SINGAPORE,
HELLO TURKEY!
TMR TO 18TH NOV, I'LL BE GONE. LEAVING ON A JET PLANE. PLEASE TAKE NOTE. DON'T TRY AND CONTACT ME, THX :]]]
cryptic
I'm facing a dilemma right now and I thought so much about it today that it's made me depressed. I don't even know why I care so much, I just do. the thing is that the person I care about probably doesn't even know it.
and even after thinking so much about it I didn't reach a conclusion.
I know what I'm expected to do. I know the consequences of choosing to do what I really want to do and believing there's a way out of it all. bad enough, given the sort of person I'm expected to be, (and I won't elaborate) even by normal standards I'm expected to be my daddy's daughter. (I won't elaborate on that either.)
and I know what I could do. the logical course of action, so to speak. the one that most everyone's been telling me to do. to save my own ass. well what if I don't WANT to just walk away and save my own skin? what if I choose NOT to? I'm not crazy just because I want to help, right?
then again it doesn't make sense.
so I'm VERY confused. and it makes me pissed. to put things simply. good night world.
[yuhan-less ):]
DANCING DRAGONS FTW (:
isn't like I've never even thought of this before, considering how much I like you, but why do you I even like you in the first place?
everybody thinks you're bad, I know that, and you know that, and you said you don't care. I can't believe I'm writing this here of all places, for everyone to see, I can't even be completely honest here because I have to consider the fact that other people are going to read this post and wonder what the hell I'm going on about and who the heck it is exactly I'm referring to, and it won't fly if I'm completely honest because of that.
closest thing I can get to telling you, though. and I can't get it off my mind, it's been bugging me since forever, especially after what happened two nights ago.
I don't even know what to say. don't know if you know, don't know if you care at all, because you've never said anything that tells me you do.
I don't know you. shit. but everyyyy time I say I wanna go, to find someone else, leave you behind cos I'm only getting hurt loving you, I end up back where I started and I don't even know why. it sucks to the core, I'm telling you, it's never been so hard for me to forget somebody before, but congratulations you're the first. :/
you know, today I was eating lunch with whoever was left at the chalet, and somehow the discussion turned to somebody else that I used to like, and someone asked me "why you don't like him? he's better than __(you)___ what." and honestly, I said "definitely". and I do admit, I know that boy better than I know you. at least I talk to him more. and truth be told, he's a lot like me in more ways than one.
but I have never felt the same way about him as i have for you, and I never will, and I can't explain why! sure I got all excited when he came up in conversations, sure I managed to convince myself he's the one for me, but it is
not the same.
do you know how disconcerting it is, to love you without even knowing why?
if it mattered to me whether you were bad or not, I would never have fallen for you in the first place. I guess I'm not exactly normal in that way?
but then here's the thing. I can't describe why I like you. I can't put it in words. because I don't know. I know how to describe the feeling, but I can't say why, that's an entirely different ball game altogether.
and I don't know if that's good or bad. it kinda makes me feel so self-centred, but I told my friend about it yesterday and he said it's nothing to beat myself up about, because he's been there before and it's nothing to feel worried about.
I'm not crazy because I like someone without even knowing why.
I guess I won't stop until I know for sure. until I know you better. which means waiting until the holidays are over.. because if I don't, that would be weird.
until then, cheers and take care.
class chalet!
I just finished doing victor's two truefriendstest surveys along with kexin's one, and I must say, I really suck. hahahaha. I think I got the lowest on both victor's tests and I didn't get the lowest on kexin's, but I didn't even get 50% hahaha, what is this, econs uh haha (x
well in other news! class chalet is over! me and victor were the only ones who slept over on both nights i think haha, everyone else went back yesterday night.
I didn't really know what to expect from class chalet, cos I mean after class camp the entire class is sort of more bonded together, but I didn't know if class chalet was gonna be fun or not because errr still not
that bonded, I mean there's still cliques.. but I guess we can't change that.
nonetheless it was a very fun experience, honestly speaking, even with the first night hahaha. ahem. somebody got quite drunk. first time ever that I saw someone getting drunk. actually when I was seeing it firsthand I was scared shitless. worried too, but more scared shitless. half of me wanted to do something to help poor victor, but the other half just wanted to sit in the room with the rest of my classmates and pretend there's no one drunk going up and down the stairs outside, lol.
but actually the next morning I thought it was quite funny. the wonders of hindsight.. heehee.
OH and I lost my voice! my first time ever losing my voice this bad, I think! honest. FIRST NIGHT AH. damn fun sia, stayed in the room doing nothing but playing heart attack and snap and truth-or-dare hehe. dare was pretty fun, I had to feed jongoh a chip at first, but he didn't want, so I tried sambor and thankfully he took it, hahaha. truths were all pretty much generic, shootshagmarry, stuff like that. I can't remember half the things people said. I can't even remember what I said! oh haha I had to make an embarrassing decision. and lie a little bit. heh.
EMBARRASSED?!? (haha inside joke, nvm)
actually first night I think I was jinxed, bottle kept spinning back to me the first time -.-
back to why I lost my voice. everytime there was a snap opportunity during snap, or a heartattack during heart attack, I'd scream, and I don't usually scream that much, so I guess my poor voice box couldn't take it.
:D now I laugh like a small boy on the brink of puberty, apparently. doesn't change much, haha. I remember someone saying I laugh like a boy even before I lost my voice, when I was playing cards, so -.-
yesterday morning quynh anh went back to vietnam, don't know if she's ever coming back... I hope she just does whatever she's most comfortable with and I hope she won't make a stupid decision. ):
ohyea, MY BUTT HURTS FROM RIDING THE STUPID BIKE. gosh. stupid seat isn't even contoured properly aiyo. my butt isn't the thing that hurts the most okay, owwww. -.- but biking was such a mess! everyone split after a while.
first night was more fun than yesterday night though. cos most people went back yesterday night, which made the bungalow we rented seem VERY big indeed. O.o nonetheless it was me kris chermaine vanessa victor, we went up to the tv room upstairs and played truth-or-dare. then I told them my biggest secret, told them who I like
their first reaction was "ohh." then silence and a few people mumbling here and there.. then "okay why? give me three reasons why, I'm very curious." "YEAH ani, I'm very curious too, WHY?!" "yeayea, WHY?" and I'm like geeeeeeez -.-
then after that I got very tired hehe so I went to sleep, victor was supposed to wake me up when polly came at 11, but he fell asleep too. and I ended up taking one entire room all for myself on the second floor, and all four of the remaining (I almost forgot to say "remaining", heh heh) girls left that were there, slept in the tv room, which had three beds, they were complaining about sleeping like prunes in the morning, while victor and I slept like princes and princesses with one entire room and one entire queen-sized (kingsized, in victor's case? haha) bed to ourselves. heh.
in my defence, I'd like to say that I thought I was only gonna nap there in the first place, cos victor told me he'd wake me up, but obviously he didn't. and if they'd just WOKEN me UP and told me they need me to share the bed with someone I would have gladly scooted over to one side of the bed and shared instead of sprawling all over the bed like I own it. hahaha
...I've decided I don't like biking. that much. I always end up being first, by choice, because I like speeding up on the bike, but then that always means I leave everyone else behind and that's not fun, because I end up thinking hard about things that I don't really wanna think about, since I'm alone and stuff.
mum will kill me, I spent a bombbbb. she doesn't know I had more than 3obucks with me when i went for the chalet, she thought I only had whatever she gave me. heh. which makes me feel quite guilty now, because if she knew there'd be alcohol involved she would never have let me go, even though she knows I will never get drunk or consume any alcohol myself.
makes me realize she's quite cool when it comes to me going out with friends for long periods of time. despite the way early curfew (10, which always means I have to go by 9, just when people are starting to arrive -.-) she normally lets me go. cool.
so all-in-all, class chalet was a very fun experience and I think most of us would love to have another one, after a-levels next year, haha. zhen xiao (who isn't even IN 1c, he's in 6k, but he came over after sending quynh anh in the morning cos he had nothing better to do) suggested going overseas next year, i wonder if that'll fly with the class. hmm I wonder if that'll fly with my parents, despite the fact that I just said they're quite cool.
what a disjointed post. ohwell. next thing I'm looking forward to is turkey trip! if I hadn't told you, I'll be gone from 8th to 18th. yep. :D it better be cold, dad spent a bomb on winter clothes. -.- it must've been 60bucks apiece, and each one of us (four in total) bought AT LEAST two sweaters, me and my bro each have FOUR. FOUR OKAY. FOUR.
THAT'S WHY, IT HAD BETTER BE COLD.
and I want my old voice back. I don't like being ignored cos I can't talk. and I don't like sounding like an idiot either. my throat is only beginning to hurt now, like there's icicles growing in the inside of my throat. -.-
LET'S DRINK HONEY. NOW! though I'm by no means attracted to it LIKE BEARS TO HONEY hahaha (inside joke again! ftw!)
britney houston
dunno why everyone's suddenly using this smiley (;
act cute isit. -.- ok la like that then I also wanna act cute. fun rite, acting cute hurhur
tomorrow is class chalet! (; I dunno what to expect, cos victor hasn't told us anything about what he's planning. (;
I'm so glad my dad finally decided to let me go! (; i thought he wouldn't let me go and I was all gearing myself up to get that final dreadful 'no' from him, cos you know, he's a little bit uptight about this kind of thing, since there's boys around. I was surprised he didn't totally blow his top that I was actually mentioning it to him. he didn't! (;
I'm so happy now (; i can hardly contain my happiness (; and joyness (; and wonderfulness (; and the world is just so rosy now (; even though it's night (; which means that it's pitch black outside (; so it can't be rosy (;
haha okay I've had just about enough of acting cute. -.- it probably wears me out faster than it wore you out. gr.
today I was eating with my family at the banquet at causeway point and there was this malay girl that walked past wearing ummm I can't remember what she wearing, just generally very skimpy, and my parents, being my parents, who actually care and notice this kind of stuff about strangers, went TSK TSK
and then my mum went
"who does she think she is, britney houston?"
BRITNEY HOUSTON HAHAHAHA. WHO THE HECK IS BRITNEY HOUSTON! hahaha. oh well. knowing my mum, it's an accomplishment that she even KNOWS britney spear's and whitney houston's first and last names respectively, ha.
okay I'm quite annoyed right now, mum's screaming at me to clean up my room and frankly I couldn't care less. I mean do I LOOK like the kind of girl who keeps all her stuff neat and tidy? she keeps going on about how girls should be neat people. HARDIHAR. I've never been that much of a girl anyways.
and I like my stuff the way it is! she just doesn't get it. I really can't find things when I try and clean everything up. it's easier to find things in that mess, she just doesn't gettttt itttttt. -.-
okay I'm off to pack for tmr. I haven't finished packing and I realize my bag is really friggin dirty. :x
TOODLES (; (hehe)
<3
QUIETDRIVE (:
my new favourite band! after boyslikegirls. no band could ever displace boyslikegirls. (: anyways, yea quietdrive is awesome. (: totally danceable songs. okay maybe not danceable, they're not like the vengaboys or something, what I meant was.... it really makes you bop your head along to the rhythm. awesome! nice music. is just NICE! especially when it's the kind that sort of invades your soul. that really rocks. (:
ahhh dad's real busy. I don't know why it bothers me so
should bother my bro more than it bothers me, though. uhh before you start tsk-ing away. it's because my bro just had a sleepover at downtown east with his entire class. so he hasn't seen my dad since two days ago.
it's freaking weird, dad's still in singapore but it's almost like he's on a freaking work trip overseas or something, cos he won't be back until really late tonight, like in the wee hours of the morning I think, cos he's got some function on somewhere
and same goes for tmr! he's off really early in the morning, and he won't be back until lateeeee at night.
it isn't like he's never busy, but he's never been this busy before, you know? and then..
considering the fact that I'm going for class chalet, that probably means I'm not going to see him for another two days. gosh. what the hell.
thursday morning was the last time I saw him, and then I'll only be seeing him again wednesday morning?
quite weird, missing him, since usually I'm quite annoyed by him, and I don't usually show any affection beyond kissing him before I go to school every day. but then again. that's ritual, that's not important. and I kiss my mum too, so.
sigh.
