okay last post I talked about learning some things about myself since the start of the year. and it occurred to me that I've never really gone deeper into that other than simply realizing it for myself, so I'ma do it here and now.
also because I feel that I don't really show this part of me in real life. to me, at least, I don't see it. but then again people always tell me things about myself that I never thought they'd notice, so maybe I do show this part of myself to you guys, but whatever. it's just fun to go on a journey of self-discovery. woohoo.
alright let's get started. oh but do bear this mind, I'm not doing an academic piece or anything, so I'll just state the facts here and I'll explain but I won't substantiate with examples or evidence hahaha
(oh dear maybe I've been mugging too much why am I talking like this)
well firstly, I'm rather stubborn when it comes to having my own opinions about things. though I'm not particularly as opinionated as some of my friends are (which is probably why I find it so hard to judge people most of the time), when I do have an opinion about something, it gets really really really really REALLY hard to change my mind about it.
it's good and bad, I suppose. good because welll.... why is it good? hm. because it means that I'm not easily swayed by others' opinions. which is cool, I like that about myself. but it's bad because I tend to dispense with sense sometimes just because I'm so hard-headed. and I mean that like, stubborn, not, you know.. empty-headed. haha. -.-
secondly, and I think this links to the being stubborn too, I'm very much independent-minded. I know most teenagers are (true to the stereotype?) independent-minded as well, but I find that I'm more independent-minded than average. haha. which again can be good or bad. and I like both sides of the coin, even the part where being independent-minded is bad for me. lol. see I told you it links to being stubborn.
anyhow, I get extremely annoyed when people try and define for me the 'proper' person that I should be, in their eyes. unless I ask them for their opinion la. in which case I really appreciate honest opinions really I do. (: but normally I hate being told who I should be. it pisses me off. I do concede that there's some parts of my character that are undesirable, but I will not change unless my life depends on it!
which is probably why I have such a serious problem with decorrum haha. I mean it's not like I constantly rebel against social norms but well, I just hate the idea of having to conform to a certain ideal of what a girl, or for that matter, anything applicable in this context--rafflesian, malay, whatever--should be. to me, just because that perception of a certain identity is out there, does not mean I have to adhere to it. that would just be plain stupid.
I don't really know how to express this, I think I'd just end up going around in circles. basically, I hate being told what to do, and I hate being told who I should be just because I'm expected to be that way, mmmmmm because quite frankly, I don't care much for perceptions of me that are based on expectations. shrug. do I make sense? hahaha.
it might sound unreasonable of me, I realize, but well. it's who I am.
... I will never marry a boyfriend who tells me how I should dress. -.- I'll kick his ass if he tells me to be more 'girly', ugh.
thirdly, I'm extremely sensitive. not just, you know, all tender-hearted (geez I make myself sound like a chicken) and delicate soul, kinda thing. but also like. well I can pick up vibes from people that others normally can't pick up? I don't know, like when someone's doing an overall good job of pretending to be happy when there's actually something that he's perpetually inherently perturbed about... I tend to have a knack for seeing these kinda things. haha.
but mostly it's bad for me because my emotions tend to run high (and deep) extremely fast. this is applicable to being angry, being in love, whatever. don't really know how to control my emotions, they always end up getting the best of me. which is bad, really bad.
ohwell there's more stuff that I wanna say but i'm too sleepy. I shall go sleep. bye! HAHAHA
I was actually feeling quite like a piece of shit (join wenqiang's club!) tonight, and I was planning to mope around all night but I went online and started surfing youtube (don't look at me like that) and I came across this video (: damn funny! it actually made me laugh. which was nice. but I still feel like there's a huge weight on my shoulders. anyway here it is!
hahaha! the guy on the left is damn funny! his facial expressions and everything ^^ especially at the start of the vid LOL (x
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well let's get down to the nitty gritty. why I actually wanted to blog in the first place. I don't think I'm gonna do much work tonight. I feel like my wings have been clipped, somehow, you know figuratively speaking.
I took the longer bus route home from tuition today so I could stare out of the window at the passing cars and trees and think. about things. and about people. I shouldn't have done that, I don't know why I decided to indulge myself in the first place. it just seemed like a good idea at the time cos I needed a timeout I guess. :S
I don't much like going full circle. I suppose if I hadn't gone full circle I wouldn't have learnt some things about myself that I never would've learnt otherwise... and I appreciate that I had the chance to actually do something about the parts of myself that I didn't like. it isn't like I'm perfect now but I believe I'm a better person now than the one I started the year with. (:
but well I'm back where I started and I would really rather be anywhere but here. take me away, dump me some place I never thought I'd be, but I don't want to be where I am right now! figuratively speaking! after 8 months I'm back where I started, it sort of negates all my attempts so far at leaving it behind.. I didn't try so hard to get away from this just to end up in the same place after 8 months, cmonnnn.
I wish I woulda seen this coming, then I coulda stopped short of reaching this godforsaken spot. ugh.
whatever. tomorrow's a new day and a new beginning, I'm gonna leave you behind for good. it's gone on long enough and I should regain my sense right now. NAO. I hate this. ):
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I had no idea you could be so whinyyyyyyyy. omg. (this is a different 'you' from the last one) 'I dont wanna studdyyyyyyyyyy. I wanna see people!' gosh. you can be such a sissy sometimes -.- I just realized how potentially gay you could be. OHWELL. wha'evs!
I don't want her to leave. please don't let her go away. there's still so many things that I wanna do for her that I haven't done, and I still haven't managed to crush my ego long enough for me to say to her the things she deserves to hear from people... her husband's death was already too much to bear for me, and so was her daughter's, and she's the one I feel most 'tied' to among everyone her age.. I'm not emotionally detached from her. how could I stand to see her go? ):
on a different note, I think I don't just need to watch what I say sometimes, but I also certainly need to watch what I do. eep. sometimes I may not mean any harm by doing certain things, but other people don't see it that way and they get hurt in the process, all because I refuse to see that I'm hurting their feelings even if I don't mean to? I'm not gonna apologize anymore, I think apologies are overrated sometimes, especially in this case. I think in this case the greatest apology would be not through words but through my actions. I should learn to respect people's opinions more. :S
next .. once again, I find myself 'in between'. neither here nor there, and I don't plan to pick sides any time soon. I'm the neutral party again, and everyone thinks it's good that I can alternate between both sides with so much ease, but trust me it isn't good hearing one side talk about the other in a certain way.. I may be accepting of their views even if I don't necessarily agree with them but I still wish I wouldn't have to hear each side bitching about the other.. I don't know how to react.
do I jump to their defense, simply because they're my friends? or do I just keep quiet and keep my opinions to myself, and just listen while my friends get badmouthed.. I don't know, seriously. the thing that bothers me is that I don't mind hearing them get badmouthed sometimes, but why??
if I can jump to some of my friends' defence why can't I do it for all of them, if I love them all, each one as much as the other? maybe I don't. but it's not fair to them, just because I don't treasure some people as much as I treasure others, I let them get badmouthed.
tonight, just for tonight, I'm not very pleased with myself.
first of all, I've only started hardcore mugging last weekend. i.e. the weekend that just passed. i.e. WHAT THE FUCK. and it's not even hardcore mugging like sit my ass down for six hours straight and burn the seat. it was more like sporadic bouts of mugging.
so maybe that was acceptable considering how hectic things were last weekend, and taking into account the fact that there was massive pw chionging to do for WR, and for EoM. -.- but that's still no excuse. ah shit.
second, I thought I knew where to draw the line when it comes to doing certain things to my friends. apparently I don't, I've been overstepping the boundaries. I'm honestly sorry guys if I've hurt your feelings or any such thing lately. you know I don't mean it ):
I need to watch what I say more. -.- I love all my friends but sometimes the words just jump out of my mouth before I can catch them. sorry you guys. really.
third, I don't know why I keep crying over spilt milk. I keep telling myself it's no use thinking of the past and wishing I could set things straight, but I just keep going back to those few golden months that I shared with them and I really really really want that one chance to redo everything and start over and pour my heart out to them, but I can't anymore.
they've gone for good. and everything that I stashed away in a corner of my heart and swept under the rug for everyone to trample all over, is forever going to be kept a secret. they're never gonna know about it, and though I wish I could have had the chance to tell them exactly how I felt I suppose it's for the better.
it's hard to see what good this has done sometimes, though.
and then I go full circle and I'm back where I started, until the next time something happens that triggers a memory and I start the cycle once again. it's sickening, why can't I just leave it behind?
the only way I could detach myself from those memories is to push any remnant of any feelings I ever had towards them so far back and away from my heart that I'll forget I ever had any feelings at all. but I'd have to be insusceptible to any emotions at all, and that's even worse.
I cannot leave the memories behind without completely numbing myself to them, which I don't want to do, and yet if I don't leave them behind it's gonna haunt me for as long as I'm alone. which is gonna be for a long time, I'm guessing.
got a VERY RELIABLE piece of information to share with yall! :D readread
Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: anyway let me show you smth i got from an email Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: about december babies Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says:
This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... Better than all of these other months! (LIKE DUH?!)
Loyal and generous. (too generous maybe? always short of marneeyy every week. -.-) Patriotic. (ehhh no. haha.) Competitive in everything. (haha no not really. unless I got a really really really good incentive to be competitive for! like not wanting to let my friends down.) Active in games and interactions. (sorta.) Impatient and hasty. (yeah definitely. overly so, I think) Ambitious. (ehmm not really.) Influential in organizations. (REALLY?! HAHA. I wouldn't know) Fun to be with. (dunno, i can't say.) Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. (this, I think so too. haha.) Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. (huh? okay I don't really think far, can be quite myopic sometimes, 'swhy I wear SPECS HA. HA. HA.) Easily influenced by kindness. (yepyepyep) Polite and soft-spoken. (haha sometimes!) Having lots of ideas. (haha no not really. quite braindead xP) Sensitive. (yup) Active mind. (overlyyyyyyyy active hahaha) Hesitating tends to delay. (delay what.) Choosy and always wants the best. (mm not really, only when it comes to guys hahaha) Temperamental. (definitely) Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. (YEA. tho I'm not too sure about the funny and humourous part hahaha. but actually I'm ARNIE to some people, so I should be F-ARNIE! HAHA.) Good debating skills. (NO. I have this phobia of debating la!) Has that someone always on his/her mind. (yep pretty much. now no one though xD) Talkative. (talkative and softspoken at the same time...hmmmmm.) Daydreamer. (not so much now, used to be very much so) Friendly. Knows how to make friends. (yeah guess so (x ) Abiding. (yep) Able to show character. (according to quynh anh yep, so okay lah) One guy/girl kind of person. (yup) Loveable. (MOST DEFINITELYYYYY HAHAHAHA) Easily hurt. (uhhuh. need to get rid of this. :/) Prone to getting colds. (no not really, haven't caught the cold yet!) Loves music. (YEPYEPYEP) Pretty/handsome. (TOTALLAYEEEEEE OMAGEE?!) Loves to dress up. (see below) Easily bored. (YEA) Fussy. (kinda, but not anal haha) Seldom shows emotions. (reaaalllyyy I thot everything I feel is visible on my face. maybe not. haha) Takes time to recover when hurt. (most def.) Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: hahaha see the first sentenec Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: lol the moment i saw it i thought of you la ! ♥ SANTRIANI says: HAHAHA ♥ SANTRIANI says: okay I deem it VERY RELIABLE ♥ SANTRIANI says: HAHAHA ♥ SANTRIANI says: xD Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: HAHAHA so you love to dress up ? Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: lol Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: see the last line ♥ SANTRIANI says: ehhh not really ♥ SANTRIANI says: hahaha but it's more because I don't really know how to dress up Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: aahha ♥ SANTRIANI says: and it's easier to just wear tshirt and jeans Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: i think i wouldnt bother (even if i knew how to xD) Pollyna 1+1+2 weeks says: haha YEAH
ohyeah and all the brackets in the main part were from me. I just added them. polly didn't add those in haha... if you even bothered reading through the mass of text up there hahaha (x
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If you're trying to turn me into someone else Its easy to see I'm not down with that I'm not nobody's fool If you're trying to turn me into something else I've seen enough and I'm over that
I'm not nobody's fool
I'm not the milk in cereals in your spoon Its not a simple hearing but not so soon I might've fallen for that when I was fourteen And a little more green But it's amazing what a couple of years can mean
...nobody's fool, avril lavigne. I think this is so true. you shouldn't change yourself for anyone if you don't want to :D not even for a guy, if you don't want to. it's not worth losing yourself for him!
in case you were wondering, no I'm not being random, I know someone who just got attached to someone who's a jerk, it's just that he's hot. and he knows how to sweettalk. soooo yea. (shit I hope she won't read this hahaha) she's like changing who she is, just to please him. and he doesn't even like take much notice. in fact I believe it feeds his ego -.-
sigh. life is tough!
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welll what can I say about the weekend.. freaking jampacked for me lah. I only managed to get a little studying in. gp and econs. done with market failure! and halfway through science & ethics..
jy everybody! AFTER PROMOS CAN KICK BACK & RILEK. for a while. but BETTER THAN NOTHING! think of when you'll get a regular job in the future.. no fixed holidays! unless you count public holidays, I don't. SEE. student life isn't so bad!
alright eom's calling my name, SANTRIANI WHERE ARE YOU YOU INSANE GIRL WHY ARE YOU BLOGGING. COME DO ME
hahaha that sounds wrong. anyway, before I leave,
I MISS UK! I want a jacket potato with smoked salmon and pennsylvania cheese! or with mushroom and cheeseeeeee (: sigh. someone get me an overseas scholarship after jc!
I probably shouldn't say this, but at times I get so scared when I think about the previous! relationship we shared it was awesome, but we lost it it's not possible for me not to care!
and now we're standing in the rain, nothing's ever gonna change until you're here, my dear
...but there's really nothing about you that I hate. okay maybe that one small blemish. alright, maybe it's a HUGE blemish! but I dunno, it seems to me like it's dissipating. sigh.
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there's no point stating the obvious anymore and going like OMAGEE PROMOS! because everyone knows promos are coming and everyone knows everyone else is super pressurised and everyone wants to pass promos (I think. I hope.)
so I won't go OMAGEE PROMOS!
- I'm currently at my piano teacher's house. using her comp while waiting for my parents to pick me up. haha. and then later picking up gramma from bedok! awesome. I've hardly had enough time to mug today ):
I woke up in the morning and started doing pw. articles for substantiation for WR. I was supposed to send them over to jonlim and qiwen last night but I came back late last night, like really late and I completely flopped after that, I couldn't even get up enough strength to force myself to go and pray ): sorry Man.
and then went for french class! all the while it was raining outside, and actually technically speaking the lesson was quite boring but really it wasn't that bad. I think I have the worst french in class. >.> I shouldn't have skipped a level. ):
A LEVEL. HAHA. IMAGINE IF I SKIPPED MY 'A'S! OMAGEE. HAHA.
after that went back to school for a while to get a few things from my locker which I stupidly had forgotten to take yesterday. so I pay the price today! and I bumped into qiany at bishan mrt! who proceeded to lend me 10 bucks so that I could buy myself an umbrella!
and by the time I got home it was just nice to go for music class.
AND HERE I AM.
SIGH.
"this could be the start of something special" she said. I'm just not sure I want to believe in that. ... :/
was just watching olympics just now. men's javelin and women's long jump. all the trackers I saw were damn hot! guys AND girls. but I think this guy in particular is damn hot.
ROMAIN BARRAS. looks like wade robson! omg.
and I thought he wasn't gonna be good at javelin throwing cos he kinda looks like a scrawny piece of shit compared to some of the other competitors. like uhm daniel awde of great britain. damn muscly. but he got like 66.something metres! which is quite terrific considering a lot of the other competitors got like 40something. -.-
the poor ukraine guy looked like he was in so much pain when he threw his javelin. and he didn't even get as far as barras! GO BARRAS. (:
but actually barras isn't as impressive in other events lah. I'm just biased. (x
catching snippets of the table tennis match between li jia wei and guo yue. of china. they're tying! OMG! jia wei quite impressive eh! but I still remain neutral towards this whole table tennis thing. after all jia wei and a lot if not all the other competitors were born in china what.
MADE IN CHINA! and I think the commentator (?) is biased against china eh! he keeps going like "terrific! brilliant! awesome comeback! THAT'S BETTER! confidence booster!" every time jia wei gets a point. hahaha he's barely said anything good about guo yue. though she seems like a nice girl!
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on a side note... I really have no idea why I'm finding it so hard to leave you behind. shit.
and CHAN WENQIANG. this is NOT true love! hahaha.
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PROMOS! PROMOS! PROMOS! OMAGEE! PROMOS!
I remember there used to be an ad at the rg bus stop that's going towards orchard, from some random mobile phone service provider or something, that says "tap here for fantastic promos!" TAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAP
(water) HAHAHA GET IT. (x
okay nevermind. FANTASTIC PROMOS! HERE I COME!
I WANT THAT BEAUTIFUL PASS FOR ECONS. I LOVE ECONS OH YES I DO.
AND I WANT THAT EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL A FOR SEAHIST! GO ME. ihist can go screw itself I pass I happy ready. I srsly don't understand kwok's notes. piece of manure!
I wanna get a B for donne and othello! B-LIT-zzzzzzzz
math ahhhhh hahhahaa hmmmm C lah. I WANT C! integration integration integrationnnnnnnnnnnnnn I lubxxxx integrating (into society HAHAHA)
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I WANT MY FLASH JACKET. SOMEONE BE CHARITABLE ENOUGH TO LEND YOUR GOOD FRIEND SANTRIANI SEVENTY BUCKS RIGHT NAO. THEN I CAN HAVE FLASH ON MY BACK WHEREVER I GO!
I hate life! no. sorry. I don't hate life! I HATE SCHOOL. thankgoodness I've got my dear dear classmates to keep me entertained throughout the day. ((:
&I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on in math lecture. differential equations! I kept dozing off during the first diff eqns lecture and now I haven't the slightest CLUE what the lecturer's talking about. D:
this is bad. this is very very bad. ): seeing mrs tay tomorrow for help! HELP. PLEASE.
and I better get at least a D for econs dammit. spend so much time on it la walao.
(what an incoherent post)
I think I've got GLUE stuck to my eyelids I can't seem to pry them wide apart! HELP.
I'm so glad I don't like anyone right nao. walao haha it's been a long time since I've not liked anyone more than as a friend. I feel slightly detached from the world now, like I'm missing something. but that's probably just because I've been seriously crushing on a million different people ever since school started. hm no la actually it's just three. but that's still a lot of guys in eight months. hahaha. damn.
but it is a nice feeling tho, not caring about any specific guy more than I care about other guys. cos when I fall for someone I think a lot about him, as you probably would have figured out by now. I never realized how much time and energy I spent on focusing all my love on him. so now that I don't have anyone to direct that energy to I can just forget about love and focus on the more important things in life right now. (:
and I also realized that, sure everyone wants to find a guy who completes them, but some people find a guy and fall for him first before getting to know him better. so they kinda "make" the guy complete them in a sense. since you already have feelings for the dude, you want him to fit a certain mold, to be the guy that completes you. and you make yourself see him that way.
it's not fully natural, in my opinion. as in there's an element of artificiality about it which I personally don't think should be the case in any relationship...but I dunno I don't have much experience anyway :P
I mean to me... the way it should happen is that you meet a guy who you can immediately hit it off with, but you don't fall for him just yet. after all just because you guys have awesome chemistry doesn't mean he completes you. you don't need to jump into a relationship because you guys can really click, so you shouldn't like force anything to happen by like spending every moment you can with him. just like spend time with him the way you would spend time with a close friend.
anddd if he's the right one things'll just happen from there on. if he's not it doesn't matter he's still your friend and you didn't lose anything either by getting close to him. most importantly you didn't break your heart discovering that he's not the right one when you've pinned so much hope on him from the start..
but basically the most important thing is to not let the euphoric sensation of chemistry get to you and impair your judgement.. yup.
LOL that's what I've learnt. from dudes. personally I think it's a foolproof method xD but i guess others would choose to do it a different way
who really cares, as long as everyone's happy in the end (:
I was going to sleep at 1030pm today, finally an early night right? because I was falling asleep doing lit so I decided what's the point and I went to go and sleep
and he woke me up less than 5 minutes after I'd crawled into bed. WHY?! JUST TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT MY FUCKING PHONE BILL
of all the blasted things in the fucking world! and just half an hour ago he asked me to sit down for dinner with the family and he commented on how tired I looked. WOW GEE THANKS FOR WAKING ME UP DAD. I KNOW MY PHONE BILL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY RESTING RIGHT
he strung all those words together. and you know what, under normal circumstances, I would've just been really really hurt. but no, I'm far too used to him to feel hurt or to even bothered by what he says, honestly I DON'T FUCKING CARE. even if he says he wants to punch me or slap me or whack my head with a stick I don't give a fucking shit. if he thinks that's gonna make me feel so fucking scared of him like OHMYGOD! OH NO! WAH FUCK I BETTER DO WHAT HE SAYS
then sorry no way. it's just not wired in my system to be like that I'm fucking sorry and it's been close to 17 years and he still hasn't figured that out, that whatever he thinks every other parents should be doing, isn't working.
I am never gonna marry a guy who can't learn to control his anger. I get it, people lose their tempers sometimes but you have to know when to stop. dammit.
he's so fucking lucky I didn't choose to run away altogether if I wanted to run away I would've done it when I was sec2. the only thing that's keeping my wits in one place is my cousin I would seriously go to hell without her.
tonight's the first night that I've ever wished he was dead. I know I never never should be thinking that thought no matter what but I cannot understand what goes on in his brain he never tries to see things from my perspective, unlike my mum, at least she tries.
just got back from having dinner with my family at pizza hut!
hmmm you know sometimes I can't see what my mum sees in my dad. -.- honestly. he's so cynical that every time we sit down to have dinner as a family outside, he can't do without passing a snide remark about someone sitting near us. I don't know why he can't just sit and pay attention to the family and not give a shit about the rest of the world. honestly!
this girl's dressing is too shitty. or too tight. or too dressy. that woman who covers up from head to toe and puts a veil across half her face is a Taleban. this family's relationship is so awkward. this group of chinamen are acting like they're at a roadside kopitiam.
and then suddenly he talks about malaysian politics and racism and then the social repercussions of technological advancements and then the hopelessness of the singapore squad at beijing olympics and then scientific research in singapore WHAT. THE. HELL.
I don't understand, why can't he just sit and stare at us and just be NORMAL omagee. it's really quite irritating how he can't sit still and keep his comments to himself. I really don't feel like eating when someone sitting opposite me is launching criticisms of the entire world every two seconds. ):
and he's so freaking judgemental and he can be quite narrow-minded at times. it's like he's othello most of the time, haha, seeing things only in black and white. quite irritating indeed D:
sigh alright moving on. anyway we (meaning my family and I) went to marina square today because my bro wanted to go to some stupid science fair thing there. organized by a*star and science centre.
OMAGEE FREAKING BORING PLS. T_T it's like, me arts student! me no understand about photonic crystals and microdisks and sea curtains and all that jazz, it's DAMN. FREAKING. BORING T_T
felt like a right fish out of water! 0.o I was just walking around with this blursotong look on my face all the time I think I irritated the exhibitors, they'd be like "do you wanna take a look?" and I'm like "...err no. -inches away-"
hahaha and then yesterday I went to vivocity! and guess what! hahaha this really really. REALLY. hot dude asked for my number! :D like out of nowhere. I was just talking with my bro and this dude suddenly leans in front of me and goes like "helloooo. can I have your number!"
HAHA. I WAS SO FREAKING SHOCKED, I MEAN THE DUDE WAS REALLY LIKE HAWT. HAHAHAHA. erh I said no but now i kinda regret it haha I think I was a bit too mean :S i just went "huh no?!" and ran off after my parents who were walking really far in front by then. when I turned back to look at the dude he looked like he wasn't the slightest bit amused.
heh sorry dude :S I'm not a bitch I hope you know that hahaha
[kexin] HEY BITCH [khaliq] I don't know ): I wasn't thinking.. [victor] HELLO BOY WHO STAYED THE WHOLE AFTERNOON AT THE MARINA SQUARE MAC'S MUGGING UNTIL NIGHT [polly] hehehe too bad my name's not jonathan (x it's JASON right right hahahaha [valance] isn't miming more troublesome than opening your golden mouth???
yay I got the york notes! shall proceed to mug now. soon. :D
I'm getting a new jacket soon. soon. after get my new bag. which I've been talking about since few days after coming back from uk. and after paying my phone bills. which I haven't even opened. (:
I hate mugging, you know, I really do. ): sigh. why is life so tough!
anyway I finally remembered what I was supposed to blog about haha. it's not really that important. I just want to tell the whole world that
that
that
thaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt
WAKHAW SINGAPORE MADE IT TO THE TABLETENNIS FINALS?! WOOH GO JIAWEI YEAH GRRRRL POWER SUSILO SUCKS
lol just kidding. I just wanna say....
HAPPY SEVENTEENTH HAFIZ! :D :D :D ain't seen you for how long ready! the last time was at swensen's at bpp right! well even though we don't really see one another anymore I say thanks for all the great times bud :D still remember you in pri sch (x have a good bday bud(;
1. I want to go island creamery! 2. I want fries from olio! 3. I want turkish chocolate pudding from soffra! 4. I want a caramel frappe from starbucks! 5. I want my mum's scones from coffee bean! 6. I want boston nut brownie from coffee bean! 7. ....I WANT TO STOP CRAVING STUFF.
seriously those are all the random cravings I had today. I'M GONNA GROW FAT): don't say I'm not fat I AM I'M FIFTY KAYJEE NOW, FIFTYYYYYY
AT THE START OF THE YEAR I WAS FORTYFIVE! OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. OR MAYBE IT WAS FORTYEIGHT
nemind. it's probably just muscles, LOADS of muscles, since I'm probably like the fittest person on earth right now, omg. I think I could win the nike human race if I wanted to omg
OMG ZOEY!
YOU KNOW WHY I'M NOT TYPING OUT NUMBERS AND SPELLING THEM OUT INSTEAD?? BECAUSE I'M AN ARTS STUDENT I DON'T LIKE NUMBERS xD
i'ma go mug now, bye.
ps: OKAY I'M SLOW, BUT CHRIS BROWN AND RIHANNA): ohno chris brown's attacheeeddd):
today was sian as usual. ): school's getting more and more sian every day I tell you. seahist lecture was cancelled because ms ng's sick. so we had three free blocks before gp and ihist tutorials. :D spent it chionging econs remedial hmk stuff in the canteen with CHAN WENQIANG. piece of shit! :D
stupid boy he lied to me and told me he lost his voice when he had it all along T_T so like an idiot I was trying to guess what he was talking about half the morning. it was like playing charades laaa. only I'm no good at charades. D:
stoned around some more after finishing econs... headed for gp. which was quite bad, actually. the first half I kept falling asleep once again and the second my mind kept drifting away to food. I kept thinking of uk food!
okay I think I'll stop right there before I go any further (x
after school went to kino with polly and kris to check out the prices of YORK NOTES (x I found york notes on both othello and john donne! reserved them just now, so I'm coming back tmr to get them. that means I get the entire weekend to study lit WOOH.
haha I just woke up and I realized that I didn't switch off my laptop for the entire night (x I slept at 11 last night and I suppose I was intending to wake up at some point, but I guess not, obviously. my maid came into the room and she was "OMG WHY IS YOUR LAPTOP STILL ON!" and I was like errrrr cos I woke up at 5am just now and switched it on (x
anyways.
promos are freaking near. I'm damn scared. haven't started full-on mugging yet! D: nemind I'll start with lit, this weekend! othello first. then seahist, then ihist, then donne, then econs last. sheeeeshhh
I was damn freaking sleepy yesterday la. which, might I add, was quite a horrible day T_T
had the last inline skating lesson yesterday ): I wish they could have extended the time period! I was just starting to have fun D: sighhh and I want to learn more things!
pe was followed by break, two whole blocks of it. and then math lecture! we started on differential equations. I COULDN'T STAY AWAKE FOR THE LIFE OF ME ): I was literally nodding off to sleep every 2 minutes.. xintian suggested I do integration just so I could use my brain and not let it stagnate, but I tried and I couldn't even get past one question hahaha cos I kept falling asleep after writing every statement.
and the funny thing about it is that every time I fell asleep, I'd dream about something. it's pretty funny, actually. one of them included three teachers rolling up their sleeves getting ready to get into a fight wtf. the others were just as random, if not even more random. but I'd still be semi-conscious when I was dreaming! I heard the drone of the lecturer's voice in the background but I couldn't pay attention, that's all.
so when I was dreaming sometimes I'd be like sort of "EH. STOP SLEEPING. DO MATH" and so in the end what I wrote was not numbers and signs and all but real words, that I plucked right out of my brain -.-
happened in remedial also! I fell asleep writing and when I snapped out of it, I'd written that i wanted to integrate "kangaroo pouch" and "selangor" wth lol. damn weird la. I was really out of it I guess, haha.
today is friday! definitely not tgif. I'm not looking forward the weekend. loads of mugging to do!
and for now I have to bathe because it's already 6am and I think I'm gonna be late if I don't move my ass to the bathroom right NOW. D: BYE
1. PROMO TIMETABLES ARE OUT. what the blarrrrrrrdy toot lit paper one is on thursday and then there's a break that lasts from friday through the weekend, and lit paper TWO is on monday!!! when all the science students would have finished their papers and jumping for joy and going ecp to cycle and having sleepovers and late-night escapades to esplanade and everythinggggg.
(okay maybe not, that's just what I would do if I were them)
aiyoooo.
2. I NEED TO MUG. WALAO.
3. my camera's spoilt! ): it was spoilt on the day of og outing when I brought it what a piece of shit right ): and then I never took it out from my bag and I tried it in school today and it WORKED! and I was so so happy that later on when I had dinner at j8 with kris and polly I wanted to take a picture with it just because I COULD. and it's spoilt again! D: I swear all I did was press the power button and flip through some pictures and then I offed it to save battery and then I onned it but the screen went blank WATTURF.
4. ehhhhh trust me when I say that I don't like anyone right now. (: I know it may seem hard to believe because there's never been a single time the whole of this year so far that I haven't liked someone. but really this time I don't. honestly. trust. me.
that doesn't mean I don't have eye candy (: cmonnn everybody has eye candy! and besides, he's really VERY CUTE. :D hmmm if you were sitting near me during nat day celebs at sch last thursday you probably know who it is.. HAHAHA (x
5. I don't much like being teased about boys ): even if I don't like them. it's just weird.
6. I. AM. ADDICTED. TO THE SCRIPT! <33333 their single "the man who can't be moved" is really very very awesome in my opinion it's freaking sweet but it's not diabetic at all! I've been bursting into random bouts of singing the chorus in school. (x it's really damn nice la.
cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be, thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet, and you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
I know you'll come someday, and when you do it'll be the best feeling on earth, just like the heavens have parted and the seas flooded red, the colour of emotion and in the midst of it all there we are, two souls joined together for eternity hands interlocked hearts intertwined
and our souls would sing with joy our spirits soaring up, sky-high and you wouldn't have to utter those three words because I'd know,
and I'd never have felt nor never will feel more sure of anything in my entire life I'd love you more than anything, more than I treasure my own life
but tell me this, a million boys have come and gone and only one's ever got it right was that you? that made me feel like we slipped right into place, where we belonged
the wait gets lonely sometimes when you're out in the rain there's no one to wrap a coat around you and cover your head with a newspaper everybody needs someone to cling onto
dude, I get it, you know, I really get it. you don't have to be so spiteful and vindictive. I know you think that all there is to me is superficiality, and I know you think I did that because I couldn't care less about his feelings. some guy just came into the picture and swept me off my feet, right? that's the only reason I gave up on him right?! you guessed wrong. you don't know the half of it, you loser. I went back and forth a million times between deciding to let him go and deciding to give him a chance. I couldn't let him dive into a relationship when he didn't so much as know anything at all about me, even if he thought he did. and I wasn't as far gone as he was, how could you have expected me to let something happen between us when I know all that's gonna come out of it is a broken heart. I never intentionally wanted to break his heart alright and whatever I did was the lesser of two evils. it killed me to do that to him, I didn't want to at all. I sincerely hope you'd open your eyes and look beyond your own blind prejudice to see that.
's why I've got nothing to say about today other than that. I'm gonna blog about OG OUTING(: yesterdayyyyyyy
T'RUELOVESKISS(: went to ecp to cycle. of course only a few people came, once again, but it's okay at least it was somethingggg. (: five others wanted to come but couldn't- brendan, engs, shao, christian, yile. so in the end it was only 7 people at the outing: anthea bertrand benlee albert guangyu yi ning me! ALBERT & YI NING both came (: most importantly, haha cos we don't get to see this two in school anymore
anyway cycled to changi (or at least attempted to before it was time to turn back), making two stops along the way just to slack and camwhore and talk crap (: at some point we tried taking jump shots, but we mostly phailed at it. HAHA.
first attempted jump shot! albert was laaaazy. albert took the pic too fast! no one was ready, can tell right. and bert gave up momentarily. FRICKIN HILARIOUS
HAHAHA. BEN LEE'S EXPRESSION! OHMAN xD bert's floating, I'm doing god knows what, guang yu looks like he's gonna punch somebody, yi ning's sticking her butt out like a duck! xP the only proper one! or rather the MOST proper one. albert's feet were still on the ground, haha.
lols yep there were proper ones but they're with albert and I haven't gotten them so this'll have to do for the time being! after returning the bikes we went to have dinner and then we went home!
engs and shao wanted to come if only we ate at town): oh well. some other time! which I guess won't be any time soon, cos promos are coming in 5 weeks time now I think and so's alevel prelims so even if we have another outing after promos j2s will be freaking busy.
sigh. life is tough! i can't believe time passed so fast, I can still remember orientation! DRINKING GOGGLES UP (: sigh and all those nights after orientation we went to hang out at the j8 2nd floor open space.. and the first day of orientation we slacked at the MR town and then got chased to ri and then got chased to j8 HAHA. and the sunday before onite! the mass shopping spree to far east for onite costumes :P
I LOVE MR03 (:
-
and now for a drastic mood change. I was reading through my old blog entries just now, from the start of the year, and boy am I glad this blog doesn't have a link to my archives, haha.
such a tumultous past. it seemed like I was making emo entries every three days or something. and you know what the best part is? I tried to remember what exactly it was that I was emoing about but I couldn't rmb, not at all. I got confused along the way. haha(x guess that shows I'm just too emotional for my own good. -.- lol luckily I don't emo every few posts now. well I still do lah, but not as much I guess.
but there was something else that took me by surprise. especially after that day. I'm not obliged to mention what exactly it is here, but what I want to say is this: those were some good times. even if in the end nothing worked out and everything screwed up and I just felt stone cold inside. it was good while it lasted. truly, it was a beautiful thing.
(: what's past is past I guess. it is what it is. I don't think I'm ready. and I realized something else, but I'm gonna keep that a secret. I don't know what it is, right now it's just raw emotion. no frills, no nothing. maybe I just don't want to let go. but I cannot tell anyone about this. it's forbidden and I'm not gonna break the truce.
I'm glad I'm not gonna like anyone now. it's nice having control over my own heart for once.
okay that's it for now I'm going out soon! bye guys!
seriously, they were! I didn't believe jonlim when he said beforehand that nat day celebs were gonna damn fun, cos I couldn't think of having that much fun at a school event. this the first time I've had so much fun in a longggggg time hahaha
so let's go in chronological order
assembly was the most boring part of the day. at least during lessons you can get mental stimulation okay. but during assembly half the world was just blatantly not paying attention to the stupid teacher at all hahaha he might as well not have been standing there trying to address the school.
then after assembly the celebs started! quite fun I must say, even though I didn't participate in any ihcs or anything. I flitted around from place to place watching the various ihc games. first was capt's ball at amphi, then it was bball at bball courts, then teachers' capt's ball at watermelon steps hahaha
BEST PART OF PRE-CONCERT CELEBS: me and pollyna dedicated a song to YONG XIN TIAN (: haha it was my idea, cos we wanted to dedicate a song to somebody and xin tian was somehow the first person that came to mind hahahaha. we dedicated the song HOT by AVRIL LAVIGNE, haha, going out to "THE HOT GIRL SITTING AT THE BASKETBALL COURTS RIGHT NOW" hahaha she was so mortified when she heard the dedication hahahaha damn farnieee ah lol
then it was buffet time! didn't feel like eating though, cos I already ate a beard papa vanilla cream puff, nutella+hazelnut crepe, and a big gulp from 7/11. oh yea and purple candy floss as well. yea so I was quite full
and then it was CONCERT TIME! HAHA oh dear everyone was high even before the concert started. I just went crazy, like completely crazy like I've not gone crazy in a long long longggg time before this hahaha.
I liked the don't forget the lyrics part and the gymnastics part best (: HAHA and the community singing! and the cheering! HAHA dance was quite good also--both modern dance and street dance rocked the stage :P
but mr vadi was damn funny during the don't forget the lyrics part. HAHA. and the gymnastics part.. well heh it was hot! let's just leave it at that (:
went totally crazy during the community singing part. just jumping around pretending to know the lyrics to the song well enough to not look at the screen, but it wasn't working, obviously LOL. jump jump jumpppp super funn
cheering afters! everyone was so charged up and I screamed the loudest I've screamed in a long time, my throat kinda hurts now. qiwen and quynh anh were complaining about their eardrums bursting hahaha
okay stupid convos....
first!
me: eh that's quite cool, they're gonna have midnight rugby! polly: how are they gonna play rugby at midnight? play in the dark can't see anything right... just anyhow run around and throw the ball ah chermaine: I'm sure they'l have LIGHT right!
HAHAHAHAHA wtf?!
second!
me: EH look they're playing with gigantic balls! kris: turns to see me: ..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA kris: ani, only you would think sick about that
LOL
third!
yumin: aiya quynh anh, when you were sitting in front it wasn't squeezy, now you're sitting in the same row it's so squeezyyyy quynh anh: yea I'm squeezing! yumin: I'm squeezing too! quynh anh: huh? yumin: squeeze! i'm squeezing too! quynh anh: squeeze? yumin: yea squeeze! quynh anh: .....squeeze?? yumin: SQUEEZE!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA the convo went something like that lah I can't rmb, it was so hilarious haha
loved the whole celebrations lah haha (: it was really superdeeduperly fun! :D
anw MR got last place but it's okay we got BEST SPORTING HOUSE! haha which I think is better than maintaining third/fourth placing. because at least it shows we're graceful losers! HAHA okay I meant that in a good way, but it sounds so idiotic. "graceful losers" haha wth let's rephrase. it just shows that we can lose gracefully! :D
YAYYYYYYY. I'm annoyed with ____, amused by ____, weirded out by ____, and enlightened by ____. (: there's a different name which goes in each blank btw. but other than that the celebs were fine!
and it only took one crazy night to make me realize the importance of moving on. sigh. oh well. there'll be someone else. I won't like like anyone at this point in time (:
OG OUTING TMR! LOVES (: cycling at ecp once again :P I can't waittttt(:
today was really quite sucky. as far as non-academic stuff was concerned.
started off with civics in the morning, and what better way to start the day than by getting a lecture about warning slips from The Man Himself huh? WARNING SLIPS, of all the blasted things in the world -.- I was so irritated by him that I didn't wanna pay attention so I lay my head down on the table and turned away from him and then he went "how come every time during civics people always slouch huh?" with this really miffed look on his face.
DAMN IRRITATING. he dared us to do it in the workplace or when we're at a scholarship interview. what the... I'm sure I'd do that under such conditions! can't he just get over himself and realize that people can actually NOT like him. -.-
the rest of the day wasn't irritating, actually. except the part about being 'touched' during ihist lecture hahaha ;p
for pe we played badminton in the ISH. haha I really cannot serve! and haha "HERE'S YOUR COCK" lol damn fun tho. :P especially with kexin the retarded bitch flailing around every time she missed the shuttlecock hahaha
after that everything was just more sian-ified. haha. sat in the arts canteen with a few other classmates who were having a pw meeting and since xintian conferred a positive externality on me cos she influenced me to do math HAHA. only had time to finish up math assignment 9 though, cos after that went off for cip meeting at the hh tavern.
project highlight! we were supposed to settle some logistical matters and clarify a few things as well but the whole thing turned into a discussion about exploiting the system -.- with a lot of numbers and what sounded like econs concepts to me being voluntarily spewed out by two of the girls.. science classes! HAHA (x
I was trying so hard to follow the discussion but they changed the example so many times and explained it so many different ways that eventually I just gave up and pretended to know what everyone was talking about while waiting for someone to sum up the discussion hahaha -.-
so after that half my brain cells were gone, but still had to go to bedok with polly because we were supposed to pick something up from the VSA office for cip! BEDOK! YEA BEDOK. already so far from bishan, and bishan is damn far from my house kay! walao! I wouldn't have minded if we went all the way there and actually did what we wanted to do, but NO! the woman we were supposed to talk to wasn't in when we went, because apparently we were supposed to make an appointment with her. -.-
she didn't tell us! D: D: D: damn irritated. that's ONE HOUR of my life gone!
oh yeah and when we reached the bedok mrt station polly wanted to go to the toilet, then after she came out the cleaner screamed something about toilet paper on the floor, which wasn't polly's fault because it was already like that when she went in and you can't expect people to be so kind as to pick up random pieces of toilet paper at public toilets and throw them away.
the cleaner started berating polly about lying and everything cos polly said she didn't do it. she was so adamant about polly bluffing her, I got quite irritated. she was shouting at the top of her lungs lah and I don't really see a need to get so heated up about it. -.-
so yea that was pretty irritating as well.
BUT IT'S OKAY. after bedok, me and polly went to city hall to have waffles at gelare! because it's half-price tuesday and we're so rich like that. xD almost didn't have enough money to pay though, cos we forgot about gst! in the end we gave the cashier a 5 dollar-note and $4.40 in coins haha.
but it was worth it! gelare waffles are awesome (: maple syrup and whipped cream, and we chose cookie dough and cappuccino for the ice cream! :D nice combination! SIGH. one bite and the world just seems a better place HAHAHA
I realize that my appetite is getting more and more voracious each week. -.- I don't particulary care now, because I'm not piling on the pounds or anything, but I think it's gonna come back to haunt me in my old age.
OHWELL. what do I care, I'm 17! who cares about being 40!
HAHA alright have to seahist and pw now gtg bye (:
hello! well i've got quite a lot of things to say.
first off, I would like to apologize for being a hypocrite! last post I said that first impressions aren't everything, but I realize that I myself am guilty of thinking that I know all there is to know about a person just because I got a bad first impression of them. I did have reason to believe they were irritating, but I didn't have the right to keep on holding a grudge against them because of that first impression and I'm really truly sorry. they turned out to be quite nice people after all! so I've embarrassed and contradicted myself. ):
second, I was just listening to 987 on the way home just now in the car and flyleaf's single came on. all around me, I think that's what it's called. I think it's such an angsty song! but actually the more I think about it the more it's applicable to me.. the chorus goes like this:
I can feel you all around me thickening the air I breathe in holding on to what I'm feeling savouring this heart that's healing
haha! see I told you it was angsty. it's so spiteful please. ohmygoodness. he doesn't thicken the air I breathe in, he just makes it harder to breathe because his presence just chokes me.. I don't know. and he doesn't savour the fact that my heart's healing either. in fact I know he's weird about it. I just think that I get the feeling that flyleaf's trying to get across... mine isn't as extreme as theirs though, but it's still there. I don't know. it hurts to think of thursday.
third, CIP! today was quite boring haha. well no lah the first part was quite interesting actually. we were supposed to go door-to-door and talk about crime prevention. made new friends! alex, crystal and angie. (: j2, j2, j1 respectively. anyway the first block we got assigned to I was with alex and two other prc scholars. alex never introduced me to them and I never asked anyway heh ><
the first block was pretty receptive to us! and it's interesting the way the first thing you notice about the doors is the religious signs around the door. the crosses, the altars, the buddhist scriptures, the arabic writings.. whatever. alex said it's interesting that the thing that the people in this particular block would choose to use to differentiate themselves is their religion! and I think it's quite cool too!
lunch was free of course! :D buffet lunch! HAHA I had like 2 helpings of mee, 3 helpings of popcorn, 1 helping of candy floss and 1 helping of orange juice! wooh! IZ DA BOMBZXZX. what is? MY STOMACH. COS IT FELT LIKE IT WAS GONNA EXPLODE HAHAHA
on the way home I bumped into asyraf! erhhh Asyraf the Dude Who Looks Like Me, so says ANDREW. -.- not Asyraf The Deserter. hahaha. go figure. anyway andrew says me and asyraf look alike! almost like we could be siblings. I disagree though. for starters THE DUDE HAS STUBBLE. -.- wow thanks so I look like I've got stubble too! HAHA nah kidding lah, but I don't think I look like him? anw it was nice seeing him! lol.
fourth, today I MADE HISTORY! I used two different types of cleansing cream in the bath today hahaha. normally I use none, but lately I've been getting pimples more frequently so I figured I'd better start using now. at least I know why everyone's so concerned about it now. by everyone, I mean mostly the girls.
which made me think... the best way to be patriotic is to have a pimple breakout on national day! then you'll have little red dots all over your face! HAHAHA. xD
cos what we have is something rare and I wanna know are you real? am I dreaming?
HAHA THIRD POST OF THE DAY BUT I REALLY CANNOT NOT BLOG ABOUT A FREAKING FIRE IN THE DOWNSTAIRS FLAT
YEAH A FREAKING FIRE.
LIKE FLAME FIRE, CRACKLING FIRE.
HAHA IT WAS UBER COOL PLEASE, TWO WHOLE FIREFIGHTING SQUADS CAME OVER. AND AN AMBULANCE, AND A POLICE CAR.
CAUSE: 7TH FLOOR AHMA WAS BOILING HERBS IN THE KITCHEN AND SHE PUT NEWSPAPERS ALL AROUND THE STOVE BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT COOKING OIL ALL OVER THE PLACE. THEN THE NEWSPAPERS CAUGHT FIRE AND TADAH FIRE!
(I AM ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK BECAUSE THIS IS DAMN EXCITING)
EFFECT: PRACTICALLY THE ENTIRE FLAT CAME DOWN/UP TO THE 7TH FLOOR TO KAYPOH. AND ALMOST THE WHOLE FLAT NEXT TO OURS CAME DOWN TO BE EXCITED ABOUT A FIRE ENGINE AND A SMALLER FIRE ENGINE AND THE AMBULANCE AND THE POLICE CAR.
FREAKING COOL!
HAHA AND I CAME DOWN TO THE 7TH FLOOR WITH MY MUM AND BRO (DAD WAS TOO BUSY WATCHING DVD TO CARE) AND THE AHMA WAS TALKING ANIMATEDLY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, IN SOME CHINESE DIALECT THAT I ABSOLUTELY COULDN'T FOLLOW
(okay capslock is getting irritating)
and all I did was stand one corner with my 8th floor neighbour and watch everything happening. he was translating (or doing his best to) translate everything for me hahaha he's so nice la pls. oh shit I realize I don't even know his name -.- damn okay now i feel bad. he's so friendly!
and I've had three different hilarious conversations since then. haha!
#1 mum: eh how come there's smoke in the kitchen? -goes to kitchen to check- bro: -GOES TO BREATHE IN SMOKE- mum: aiyoh, I'm so irritated, the whole kitchen's full of smoke now, I want to eat dinner! bro: eh this really is smoke! -BREATHES IN MORE SMOKE- COUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH mum: how come there's burning downstairs ah? -finally gets worried about possibility of a fire- bro: aiyah probably ghost month
#2 (mum's explaining to the neighbour what happened) mum: then I heard a crackling sound, so I asked my son what was happening bro: -BEAMS- mum: then he told me it was the ghost month bro: huh who's osman! i didn't say anything about osman! mum: GHOST MONTH, NOT OSMAN!
GHOST MONTH = OSMAN ?! HAHAHA
#3 (msn) joanna: is anyone downstairs at home??? me: hahaha yeahyeah joanna: wah sia you not scared meh, lol, later burn you down me: nope cos the firefighters are here alrd HAHA joanna: but you're hot enough alrdy, so ya xD
BWAHAHAHAHA. JOANNA ROCKS! xD
and so concludes another exciting chapter in my life! I LOVE IT xD
I've been mugging econs non-stop since I got home from scholarship day and french class, and I don't think it's helping me much. my grasp of the concepts is still quite shaky, there's lots of blanks to be filled in. I'm gonna be done for if I let this continue. which I WONT. i swear it. I have no intention of seeing a big ugly U on my end of year report card. :x
my problem for cts, as far as econs is concerned, is that I didn't mug enough. and even after I mug, I don't know how to apply it. when I finally figure out how to apply it, I'm not accurate enough. when I try and be more accurate, I get so freaking paranoid I ask too many questions and I confuse myself, and I end up writing too long. but when I try and shorten it, it doesn't seem accurate enough!!!
SEE THIS IS WHY I WISH I WAS PERFECT SOMETIMES. so I'd be smart enough to just get it right just like that without having so many problems, walao. -.- nevermind, I'll work hard! AND I'LL GET IT, eventually. hopefully eventually will be before promos, cos I can't afford to get it just before A levels after all. damn.
WHATEVER. I'm just going to make a kick-ass comeback for promos. such a kick-ass comeback, that I'll shock my parents, and my friends (okay not so much my friends, cos WE ALL KNOW I'M SO SMART RIGHT, LIKE YEA.) but my teachers probably won't be so surprised.
oh yea, and when I say kick-ass comeback, I mean RELATIVELY kick-ass. compared to cts. you know, haha.
major change of topic.. this is gonna sound frivolous, but it's important to me.
maybe the best thing to do is to just don't give a fuck about it. he'll come when he wants to.
I just can't help wishing he'd come sooner rather than later. it'd make me that much happier. really. everybody thinks that as a 'lover' (god, I hate referring to myself like that) I'm super cmi. I know why. but what the hell makes you think that I won't make myself change once I find the right guy?
the reason I keep looking for other people is because I don't know much about that person to completely tie myself down in the first place. is that so wrong?! isn't that why people date? not because it's fun, but because you don't want to get hurt by tying yourself down when there's not much TO tie yourself down to.
so maybe YOUR way of doing it is to focus all your attention on one guy/girl once you find that you've got feelings for him/her. sure, that's cool too. but I can't do that without falling completely head over heels for that person! and that is not something that I want to do, honestly.
it isn't fairrrrrrr. I don't know, just don't categorize me, cos I'm not who you think I am. you know first impressions aren't everything.
shit, this is depressing. I'll continue doing econs now. not that that'll get any less depressed doing it, but it's better than thinking about this.
EH OH MY GOD THERE'S A FREAKING FIRE IN THE FLAT DOWNSTAIRS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
actually this is quite cool. but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i think it's only a small one and I'm not gonna die but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
this is gonna be a pointless entry cos I got nothing to say. I was planning to do something more productive when I got back home, like maybe do some gp or finish up my econs or even do MATH! but I'm falling asleep even now, right in front of my own laptop.
list of things to do this weekend: - PW WR chapter 5 - edit EoM (had my consultation already!) - finish up econs - finish up maths assignment 9 - fiish up maths tutorial 9
that's all I can think of fpr now. and basically my whole saturday's burnt cos got CIP on saturday. WOOHOO awesome
