was looking through my old stuff just now and I came across pictures of my lovely class from rg. :P 105/205 & 312/412.. haha I must say I can barely remember those days. -.-
damn. they seemed like such a long time ago. it's just a very distant memory now. although it's only been seven months since rj life started. I think it's because rj life is dramatically different. a lot of people have changed since then, can see it in the way they behave and present themselves and everything.. it's not a bad thing, most of the time. it's just different.
maybe we all just want to leave our pasts behind. or maybe it's just me. haha. but I do feel so different from when I was still in rg. as in I think I've matured more.. I feel a lot more deserving of my age. haha. I know no one has to actually deserve an age, but what I mean is that I feel more like a 17-year-old now than I ever felt like a 15-year-old when i was 15.
and I also feel more confident now.. as in my self-confidence isn't exactly bursting through the roof right now or anything, because I still do feel that I need to improve on myself in certain aspects.. but I definitely am able to tell myself that I can get what I want with the proper attitude and the right amount of effort, without having that voice in the back of my head going, "are you sure you can do this." it's conviction, and I think I sometimes come across as a little egoistic because of that to some people who would see it that way.. but I don't know, I don't particularly care. judge me when you know me well enough to judge me, cos as far as I'm concerned, I only need to care what you think about me when you know me well enough to have a pretty good idea of what kind of a person I am. yeh.
anyway I'm not looking back. I'll still remember all my friends and everything, but I really have no intention of preserving those other memories in my head. bad bad memories, haha. ohwell. at least I can safely say I've left that part of me behind and I'm never going back to it again. (:
which reminds me. I still haven't collected my stupid o-level cert from rg. hahaha. and I haven't paid my really long overdue (rg) library fines either. how irrritating. to think they'd deprive you of your freaking IP cert because you didn't pay some stupid library fine wtf.
anyway the sooner I get it done with the better. which prolly means next week or something, because I'm short of money once again this week. besides, tmr I've got math remedial and cip briefing, and friday I've got econs remedial. I'm not going back to rg after that. T_T
hmph. screw you, rg.
--
I was just thinking. I think strangers have this phobia of sitting beside me in trains and buses. seriously! I've just noticed it, but when someone comes to sit beside me in the bus or in the train, they get pretty restless. and then when someone else vacates another seat, they get up and take up that seat and thereby vacating the one beside me.
WHY. ): I tried to think why and I don't know why. a) I stink really bad. (but it happens in the mornings too, and in the morning I smell like soap! BESIDES, I WEAR DEO ALL THE FREAKING TIME D:) b) my music's too loud and it irritates people (haha I can't rule out this one.) c) they don't like my face d) they don't like raffles people (HAHA. yah obviously I couldn't think of any other reason. this one's just ridiculous.)
speaking of faces.. ros said I look like a frog. -.- a "pretty frog". no kidding. -.- she really said that, I think it's because of the expression I have on my face sometimes, apparently it's really funny. or something, I don't know.
anyway it bothers me that people don't find me a nice-looking enough person to be their seat companion. polly says I look extremely pissed off when I don't smile. maybe I just intimidate them HAHA. but honestly. am I supposed to forever plaster this uber fake smile on my face even when I'm AS TIRED AS A TYRE ):
--
moving on! one more thing.. I think there's something about rj people and bad haircuts. seriously you know. I know more people in rj who have bad haircuts than any other circle of friends I might have. haha.
it'd be extremely fun to name people here, but I think it's embarrassing enough having horrible hair. so I'll be nice. not that my hair's very nice. more like comparatively nicer, hahaha. but I'm gonna cut it soon la. get short hair. don't care what my mum says, she's forever wanting me to keep long hair, and I'm quite sick of it.
some people have this inferiority complex about hair. HAHA that sounds damn weird, of all the things to have an inferiority complex about. sometimes the complex is justified, sometimes it's not.
okay to save my skin from being mass-murdered tmr morning when I go to school, I'ma say this: if I don't tell you straight up that your hair sucks, it probably means it isn't bad. either that, or I LIKE YOU. (haha what a freaking joke) or I don't care what you look like COS YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH HAHAHA. if I tell you straight up that it sucks, it means it's bad. horrible.
okay you know somehow I don't think that helped, maybe this is better:
I'M SORRY IF I BRUISED YOUR EGO BY SAYING THAT YOUR HAIR SUCKS, BECAUSE THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT I DON'T CARE. FUGLY HAIR OR NOT, YOU'RE STILL THE SAME PERSON INSIDE AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. <3
hmm. I think I'm karma's gonna come back to me after I get my haircut in the hols haha. it'd be quite fun, actually. ...of all the frivolous things in the world to blog about -.-
--
THE MUGFEST IS ON. it's time to get down & dirty! slimy & grimy. whiny & pouty
hey jean, don't rock the boat, when you can't swim
in case you were wondering who the heck is jean, -points up- I don't know either. I'm just listening to selfish jean by travis. quite a catchy song.
heh. heh.
earlier post was horribly horrible. dyou know what I mean! SO horrible that it's worse than horrible.. it's EVEN WORSE than HORROR! it's worse than a horror movie! it's a HORROR STORRRRYYY!
alright I'll stop that.
...I don't even watch horror movies ><
YESSAHHHHH I FINISHED MY IHIST TERM PAPER :)))))))))
many many chins, that smiley has :)))))))) IS IT CHINESE. HAHA. HAHA. HAHA. GET IT. HAHA. CHIN.
well I got nothing to blog about, really. today was pretty normal. normal by a01c standards lah. I doubt it'd be normal otherwise but that's what I love about my class. (:
econs was boring. lit was as serious as serious black! (yay no more horny poems! THEY'RE ALL DON(N)E!) gp was somewhere between amusing and guilt-inducing. pw was a riot. as always (:
and oh dear. I really must stop telling people. not good for me! ):
if I could, I'd lay my entire soul out for you to pick apart and put together again. just so you'd see, I'm not just saying it because I have to.
MY EYE HURTSSS. MUST. SLEEP. SOON.
eh. actually i'll go sleep now lah. haven't even studied for econs lecture test tmr. I'm beyond screwed aye. :O I don't even know what's happening in econs. I can't rmb, anws -.-
it's about some school principal who banned non-halal food in the school canteen simply because all eight canteen stalls were halal. or something, I don't really understand the rationale for it, it doesn't make sense.
whatever it is, IT'S FRICKIN STUPID, I say. -.-
1. sure, there's a need to make all the kids feel comfortable around one another regardless of race/religion, but honestly, by imposing this kind of stupid rule, won't you make the non-muslim kids uncomfortable around the muslim kids? I mean it's just because of the muslim kids that they can't eat pork and stuff. -.- lame, I say.
2. the principal's name is wan imran woojdy, so obviously he's a malay-muslim huh. I seriously think it was quite closed-minded and imposing of him to introduce this kind of stupid rule. as my dad would say it, these people clearly still cannot get the idea that secularism and religious doctrines cannot go hand-in-hand sometimes. it frustrates me that they would try to impose their religion on other people in this way.
sigh. I don't get it, I really don't.
then there's the question of the blogger himself. I do agree with his views but I think the part about taking halal stickers off the halal food shelves and pasting it on pork was unnecessary. (".) in fact I think it's quite offensive. he doesn't have to ridicule this particular doctrine so explicitly right?
nyeh okay so I'm quite peeved now haha but I have to go back to doing my freaking EoM now. bye!
okay I've been back and forth about a million thousand times about whether I should blog about this, but I just decided to heck it and here I am.
first of all, don't put the words in my freaking mouth, alright, is that so much to ask for? I swear since the beginning of this year people have been twisting my words left right up down everywhere. wtf stop it alright?! it's immature, it's illogical and it doesn't just hurt me, it hurts others as well. others I consider my friends alright? it's not even funny. it's okay if I'm the only one hurt in the process, but if you wanna spread some freaking lies about me by all means say whatever the fuck you want, I won't care cos I know it's not true and that's all that matters. but just don't include my friends alright? leave them OUT of it, thanks. I freaking love them and I won't let them get hurt when they didn't even see it coming. it isn't fair! and you have NO FUCKING RIGHT to hurt them?!
second. I can manage fine by myself, thanks. this is not some shotgun romance that I chose to indulge in, and I don't need the whole world to know about it?! I pretty much don't have a care for people who didn't even know of my existence suddenly knowing that he's the one. I appreciate that you people don't mean any harm, but honestly the things you guys do sometimes, are just plain irritating. I'll tell him when I feel like it, alright? and right now, is NOT the right time. I know how fast/slow I want things to go and I don't need to divulge everything to him at this moment time. I mean, cmonnnnn. I don't need a freaking matchmaker, and I don't need someone to hold my hand and tell me this is what I need to do now. honestly. I know what I'm going to do and when I'm going to do it, and NOW is just not the right time, so LEAVE. ME. ALONEEEEEE.
thirdly, dude I'm sorry if I hurt you really badly or anything, but honestly what was I supposed to do? any way you look at it I would've hurt you. you knew how much I hate people chasing other people because of something as superficial as that and yet you still chose to hop onto the bandwagon and do what everyone else thought you should do. honestly, I thought you had better sense than that. but just know this now, I don't hate you as a friend, in fact there are times when I think I enjoy your company, but don't do that ever again. please.
--
I am a very pissed girl, today, apparently. it isn't pms! it's more of a buildup of events.
geez. 'buildup of events'. I swear I'm doing too much ihist for my own good, okay. shit.
okay I'm gonna say this for fun!
you won't like me when I'm mad.
BE AFRAID! BE VERY AFRAID. RAWRRR.
before I go, here's a snippet of a conversation between steven and joel today. haha.
j: but in minute amounts, alcohol's supposed to be good for you. s: yeah rightttttt. j: no really! because they're made of fermented soya beans so-- s: THAT'S SOY SAUCE!
haha JOEL TALK CRAP LEH. I didn't know alcohol's made of fermented soya beans, did you! hahaha.
hello! I'm quite sianified. ): today wasn't particularly draggy, not like yesterday, but there's so much work to do over the weekend?
1. PW by tonight 2. GP by tmr night 3. IHIST TERM PAPER by tuesday next week (still haven't got any book references for this) 4. EoM by monday (haven't even found a bloody article. -.-)
cannot be lazy anymore. must do! but I wanna cry D: why so much all of a sudden?! -.-
had econs remedial today. the teacher was quite boring eh, I still don't know what's her name. tall, thin one. not valerie liew. dunno lah. older than that. anyhow at least it was helpful. for once I wasn't lost.
afters headed home with wenqiang, yuchen, ansai and this other dude, I forgot his name, haha. >< anyway we went to j8, then me wenqiang and ansai went to eat at s11. I dapao-ed from macs and ate with them. then a few other dudes joined. don't know their names at all. haha but they were very nice!
AND THEN! qiany and ansai went for a spin! :D they got on the spinning wheel in the playground near s11, after eating a full meal, and spun around for like mebbe 1o secs + hahaha it was quite hilarious. both of them really looked like they were gonna puke. in fact qiany looked like he was gonna cry at one point hahaha, I'm serious.
after that went home with ansai. yep. (:
overall the day was quite alright la.. OHYEAH and I made qiany drop his phone hahaha. cos he had something wrong in front of the wrong people. SHIT. damn paiseh.. hahaha. CHAN WENQIANG, YOU ARE A LOUSY PIECE OF SHIT T_T
alright enough of that I have to go do productive stuff now. BYE!
I don't wanna fall to pieces I just wanna sit and stare at you I don't wanna talk about it and I don't want a conversation I just wanna cry in front of you
haha. that song brings back memories! sec1 or 2 was it... first ever heartbreak, haha. of course Ii've had so many more since then.. but this was the very first one, omgee. tickles my heart every time I look back now :P it was quite stupid actually. sigh.
...I hate rainy nights. I really do. rainy nights are the perfect-est weather to just do nothing and be alone and think about things. which I don't like doing, because most of the time when I think about things this way I end up emoing.
right now, all I wanna do is just to be left alone. I wanna forget about the work, forget about the boy, forget about the friends, and just for a while give myself some time to think about me. drown myself in the music, close my eyes and think of some faraway place where I can go to escape from it all.
so I did what I wanted to do. I put on my earpieces, turned the music up, and started thinking. I stared at the computer screen.
I know what I said about loving my life right now, and it's true, and I've figured out why. I just had a moment of enlightenment. at the same time something else happened, which I don't really wanna talk about, not because it's a bad thing, but I just don't need to. (:
if I just stopped thinking of all the ways I wish my life could be like, life could be so much more beautiful than it is right now. I was forever finding some inadequacy in myself and playing it up and making it seem more of a weakness than it actually is, when in reality it's not so bad. but if I just don't think about all that stuff, life is great, honestly.
I have the awesome-est bunch of friends and family in the world: 1c you guys are seriously beautiful beautiful people, every single one of you, I love yall (: pollyna I love you girl. I don't need to say why do I? :D non-1c rj people: yu xin, cheryl kwok, audrey tan, anthea, amin, pang, vera, justin, I could go on forever with this. you guys make me feel at home man, honestly (: thanks for all the advice yall gave when I needed it(: I really appreciate it. non-rj people: yi ning, fidy, joel, kenneth, aisha, khaliq, ruzaini, THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU for simply being just awesome friends. the laughs never stop when I'm with you guys :P The Brother: little bugger. I'll love you NO MATTER WHAT! don't know how you put up with my shit but you're one of the most selfless people I know so :D I LOVE YOU BRO (: maria & kak nur: you guys, I will never forget you for the rest of life, I swear. blood runs thicker than water and I love you guys and I'll always be there for both of yall, thanks for being there for me, for seeing me at my worst and at my best, and I really really really love yall! :D
and then there's somebody else that I wanna credit too but it'd be really obvious crediting him so, heh. no thanks.
so yes. I love my life right now. (:
--
so that's that. as for today... thursdays are actually quite bearable, if you take out the fact that school now ends at 520 for me now, every day, cos of maths remedial. D:
anyhow, I like thursdays for the last two blocks that we have: pw and maths. everyone just goes crazy during these two blocks laaaa, hahaha. people start singing, spouting random comments that pass for humour, not making sense when they talk, basically everyone's just extremely random, it's super funny :P but at the same time it makes me feel at home! haha don't know why (:
I felt like quite a genius during math lecture, tutorial and remedial today. maybe it's just a good math day for me, I felt like I could do all the questions right HOHO! achievement much?! x)
oh and lemme tell you what I did okay. hahaha. I was feeling quite random. and loud. so I was leaning over the railing outside of class, a71, the end of the corridor, so can see the raja block lah. there was this random ri dude emoing about 3 floors down, haha, so I shouted to him.
"HELLO PERSON WHO'S EMOING!" and he really looked up eh hahaha. I didn't expect my voice to carry so far, I thot it was just echo. lololol it was damn funnnyyy. me and di wei just cracked up right there and then, if it wasn't for ms naidu coming into class we would've continued laughing like siao hahaha. (:
and yea, today I did something very stupid indeed. I paid for my ice milo, got my change, and walked away without the drink. -.- stupiddddddddd la omg.. hahaha. val and qiwen and even mr sowden were laughing at me ):
today was quite shitty. haha. no lah it wasn't. nothing bad happened, but I just choose to call it a shitty day because I feel like it (:
okay obviously not. first of all, I had to give my mum and dad my results slip tonight. don't know how they're gonna react. don't wanna be there to see how they'll react, either! second of all, for the past two days I've been extremely prone to nodding off to sleep in class. which pisses me off. thirdly, I'm short of money once again. fourthly (and this is not really important lah), all the wrong people are doing the wrong things!
but let's talk about how today went first. spent the whole day b57. gp was slack, but still quite fun, cos we were supposed to be discussing points for our debate. but we couldn't think of any more points so we just started chatting. and every time ms ooi came near kexin and val would suddenly change the topic to like "so that's why I think that should be one of our points." or something like that hahaha (x
econs.. maths... lit. econs lecture.. all pretty mundane. but i tell you ah, the next time I ask polly to help me buy wedges I'm not gonna tell anyone. I'm gonna sneak away and eat it all by myself (: hahaha. justttttttttt kidding. (: love you 1c peeps (:
and then it was time for assembly! had some racial harmony day performance followed by ihc opening. the indian dance was alright, the malay dance was so frivolous, and the chinese play was quite hilarious.
victor said the monkey god had OCD- diedie must do somersault first before he say something! HAHAHA. oh but you know who my favourite character was! HAHA. the guy with long long long long long long beard! and the random long grey hair sticking out from the sides of his head. xD
moving on.. after assembly went to have lunch with polly and chermaine. and then after that I followed polly to amk hub to get her simcard from singtel haha.
AND THEN IT WAS TUITION TIME. -.- I swear I spent the first half an hour falling asleep. I was just staring blankly at the foolscap when the teacher was explaining to me stuff. I couldn't really absorb any more information, and all the 'x'es and 'y's and 'dydx'es and the factorials became like one huge myriad of them all randomly placed everywhere. I think I went slightly cross-eyed too haha. ><
you know how I know? haha two other people in the room were laughing at me ): they look at my face then at the teacher cos the teacher kept asking, ARE YOU WITH ME? cos I was damn tired la... I really hate having no break sia :x
and all the way home I had a poker face stuck on my otherwise brimming-with-joy face! HAHA. no I'm kidding about the last part (x just fun to get a -.- reaction out of you guys. anyway
went home, changed, and THIS! is the HIGHLIGHT of my day! :D
I sat my brother down and talked to him. cos my parents were discussing him in front of me the other day and they said they were scared he might have problems coping with schoolwork. but obviously if they ask him, he'll say no even if he did have problems right! because that's just how he will react, I know him.
so I went to ask him myself before they asked him. cos he'll be more truthful to me than to them, so at least I can give them an honest answer right? yea. I did good, I think. hopefully he'll listen to me. because I never nag at him. unlike mum. unlike dad. so if I say something naggy to him hopefully he'll be able to know that I'm being serious. which I am.
I don't want him to waste his brains haha. that sounded so so weird but never mind..
stuff to do: seahist outline econs remedial stuff math tutorial 9 & 13 pw ihist term essay
hey. haha. I'm extremely tireddddddd. today was quite long. and I feel like a piece of shit too.. for no particular reason. mostly because I'm tired, haha. currently listening to Mika's Relax (Take It Easy).
usually when I'm tired I like to listen to it. that and Say (All I Need)- One Republic. it really helps to soothe my tired soul. dunno, after a long day and I'm tired, everything inside of me just feels like it's frayed everywhere. listening to these two songs is like heaving a huge mental sigh. it just helps. lol.
okay to be honest.. I'm feeling less tired now, most def. but I honestly am feeling quite depressed at the same time. nah not depressed. just weighed down.
I'm not gonna talk about it here though, no point. there's friends for that. (: besides I don't wanna give myself away!
lol.
after pe today me. audrey, wenqiang and di wei went to esplanade to emo. haha that was the idea, to emo at esplanade. "emo". it didn't work, obviously. all of us were damn high. kept suaning each other and laughing like siao. lol we played truth or truth and we made a pact of secrecy! OO.
no lah actually it was just us pinky-promising each other we wouldn't tell :D
I would've stayed longer, actually, if not for the fact that my mum will kill me if I get home late... haha. -.-
(I know I already did this like a million times, but I wanna do it again! FOR THE LAST TIME :D)
POPO! x) hey dudeeeeeeeee(tte!). you're one step closer to being able to watch M18 movies. one year closer to being able to legally drink alcohol! HAHA. nah I'm kidding. actually I already said what I have to say in the card I gave you. which reminds me: I really hope you like your bday prezzie, heh. even if it's random. even if it's unexpected. even if it's suppppppppperr childish like hell. hehe. may you be more "CONSHYENSHUSH" from now yeah hehehe.
but on a more serious note: thanks for always being there for me thanks for always providing a listening ear when I need it thanks for putting up with my shit ;P thanks for being honest with me thanks for giving me such sound advice when I ask you for it thanks for being such a sweet friend!!
I STILL OWE YOU A FLOWER. I'MA GET YOU A ROSE. HAHAHA
--
I got her play-doh btw. just so you know. hahaha. don't ask why. (:
kay but other than that got nothing else to blog about today. I just wanna say,
I'm feeling like this right now: ONTOPOFTHEWORLD
:D
honestly. and I have no idea why. I just do (: life is a wonderful thing. I mean once you start seeing everything in a new light everything changes and it all just becomes ten times more wonderful and awesome than you think it is.
I can't say what made me feel like this, cos it just came one day. well yea it was triggered by something, but it's just quite an overwhelming feeling right now. don't know why it came now, when everyone around me's looking more stressed than ever, but I can't help it.
I LOVE MY LIFE(:
gonna read ihist notes now. -.- maybe I don't love my life that much.. :P
If you have been tagged, you are to come up with 8 qualities of your ideal perfect lover. Do specify the gender. Then, list down and TAG another 8 people to do this. Have fun!
GENDER: Male (Duh!)
1. is not gay/bi/trans/homo
2. understanding
3. close friend
4. sweet
5. no pretences
6. gives me space. doesn't make it a must that my whole life revolves around his
7. funny
8. trusting & trustworthy
Those who need to do this quiz as well: LAI POLLYNA don't care who else ready :D
hehehe alrighttttt! so as you can see I was quite bored today. only towards the end of the day did I get slightly depressed.. if not I was bored and strangely on high throughout most of the day.
another thing that I did today because I was bored! was this!
I thought of all the same-name people that I know and counted them, and this is what I got:
WOOOOHOOOO! hahaha you should try it too! just think of everyone you know/have heard of, and count them alllll. the number's gonna get damn big I tell you, so funny ahhh. didn't expect myself to know so many people with the same names eh hahaha.
looks like the most popular name for girls is cheryl, and the most popular name for guys is jonathan. hahaha. super fun!
kk I'm off to do econs
buaixxxxx
wow. I can't believe he had the tenacity to even ask. I didn't think he was egoistic. is he? I hope against hope that he's not. if not, he's seriously messed up, and I, am seriously. screwed.
I have something I really wanna clear up. but before that.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!? ):
somebody thinks I like him. alright trust me I DO NOT. I wish I could divulge names here but I won't. cos it's embarrassing for me, it's embarrassing for them and you don't even need to know in the first place ;p
can I just say something. just because I say a guy is cute doesn't mean that I like him. ): he's cute means he's cute la. other than that I really don't care much about him. honestly. in fact I don't care whether the guy I like is cute or not.
ISH.
walao I really don't like misunderstandings. ): especially when there's more than two parties involved.
today was quite fun also eh! haha really. actually today was normal in terms of routine. except for one hitch between gp and ihist haha, but I won't talk about that because I don't wish to spoil my day. thank you.
but it was just that today was quite funny! as in just that a lot of funny stuff happened. haha no lah I don't mean funny stuff. I mean my friends are such great company that I had no shortage of laughter throughout the whole day. (:
I LOVE YOU FRIENDS. <3
went for bahas finals today at woodlands regional library to support mary! :D well we lost.. but the judging was shitty, I say. haha anyway what's done is done, I'm not gonna bitch about that nemore. :P but it's okay we still did a good job! :D still got next year! :) :) :)
was supposed to go for maths remedial today. but I didn't! haha aye I didn't pon! I spent a good two and a half hours doing my ihist essay outline. which kwok didn't even completely go through today. -_- haiyoh. but I still feel like it wasn't a waste, I mean at least I got to make sense of my lecture notes! :D
spent the whole two and a half hours in the arts canteen with polly and di wei. hahaha at first it was quite unproductive cos I was talking so much nonsense. and I really mean talking nonsense okay, like unstoppable choochoo train speed kind of nonsense, so I stopped. then i got bored! so I switched on music. and then we spent some time choosing which song to listen to.
hahaha it was just majorly fun time (:
hey I just discovered the writer's block function on lj! wooh I'ma try it now.
"if you could be any character from any TV show, who would it be and why?"
UGLY BETTY! without a doubt! :) she gets to work in such a fab place. omigod totalllayyyee.
hahaha no lah. I'm kidding. about the fab place part. I really mean the ugly betty part, I would love to be her! even though she works in an office with so much politics it's sick. she sticks in there! and she gives it her all and she doesn't care about her physical appearance to other people! she's so completely selfless.. (: she gave away that gucci bag or whatever to get her daddy his meds eh! how sweet is that. :P
she sticks out like a sore thumb and she doesn't give a damn, she's not self-conscious about it at all. she knows people always think she looks like shit but she doesn't let it affect her. she just totally ignores it and lets her actions do the talking. she even gets her colleagues' respect despite their initial reaction to her..
she seriously doesn't give a shit about her looks despite being in an environment where looks are everything. and I really respect that about her! (: quite awesome, I say.
so t'entergraft our hands, as yet was all the meanes to make us one, and pictures on our eyes to get was all our propagation
no, I am not on cloud nine again. really really I'm not. to be honest, I'm seeing the beauty of not being so far gone for someone after just a few weeks of getting to know him.
yea but I don't really wanna talk about that! let's talk about something else.
I'm in high spirits tonight! I just feel good. today was quite a hilarious day!
oh yea before I do anything else... HAPPY SEVENTEENTH ROS! (:
TODAY, YU KEXIN, CHIN RUI LING and VALERIE LAU LE WEI ate a matchstick.
yes a MATCHSTICK. I am not kidding you. it was kexin's fault. hahaha.
cos today was ros' birthday and they bought her ben&jerry's and poked candles in it to make an 'ice cream cake'. cheesecake brownie, it was. pretty nice! so of course when you have candles you have to have matchsticks to light the candles! (cos obviously you're not hot enough to make the candles spontaneously light up xD)
and val and kexin were playing with it during pw today and ms naidu saw it and she was like "please put that away, I don't want you to set the whole school or the whole class ablaze." and kexin said "no they're biscuits! they're very yummy, really!" and ms naidu went "PROVE IT!"
and val really bit the wooden part of the matchstick off and ate it right there and then. she really swallowed it lorh.. and she said it doesn't taste bad ahhahaaha
yeps.
I'm going to go read my seahist notes now. so I can feel smart tmr when I go for seahist lecture (x first block yaw! oh yea and still got ihist essay outline to do T_T
haha I told pollyna and audrey that I'm going to blog about today so here I am. anyway when am I ever not here, lols. if I don't blog I'm probably dead, or I'm chiong-ing some term paper or something, which are actually similar scenarios, so.
ANYWAY!
okay today really wasn't really my day, okay, but it wasn't shitty. it was laughable kind of horrible. ): haha lemme tell you.
1. I almost lost my wallet again. 2. I got called up to the board TWICE in a row! d: 3. got cheeko-ed on again
see it wasn't so bad! but it's just that it was very T_T
first up! I had some time to spare before assembly when I came to school today. so I decided to go to 7-eleven and buy chocolate :p and I forgot to take my wallet with me when I went out. and I went out without even realizing I didn't have it with me ): but luckily (or not, depending on how you look at it..) there was this dude who came after me who saw it! and he came running after me to give it back haha I was already halfway up the stairs to the assembly area. he was very very amused I think.
I was so shocked I just went like "oh thanks" and left. haha I didn't even sound like I cared, I think. that is very very uncool. I think the dude was quite kind eh! if I'm not wrong his name is mateusz or something. dunno lah, the angmoh one. yea. I hope he didn't see my ezlink card or something. T_T
it's a logical possibility okay! what if he didn't know whose wallet it was and he looked at my ic/ezlink to see my face uh. walao. I look like a piece of shit in both my ic and my ezlink card lah
okay enough about that. I DON'T CARE! >< (yeah sure, ani sure.)
second! i got called up to write stuff on the board for both gp and econs! damn suey ahhh. hahaha. ohwell, at least I gave relatively acceptable answers both times. (: that kinda makes me feel better. just kinda!
third! haha and this is weirdest, I think.
okay audrey and polly said we were getting cheeko-ed. but I don't really believe it, I dunno you judge for yourself aight! hahaha -_-
we were at the food court at marina square. sitting outside in the open-air area, which was supposed to have a great view of the whole esplanade area. but really all we saw were a lot of cranes. cos opposite got the stupid IR thing what. still very nice though, quite windy, haha.
anyway audrey was eating, polly was stoning, and I was staring at my organiser. and suddenly!
polly: eh he's talking to us eh. the guy behind us! -audrey and i turn-
some random cleaner was sitting at the table behind us with this lopsided grin on his face.
random cleaner: are you all from raffles junior college? polly: err yes we are. -audrey turns back- audrey: omg cheeko. just ignore just ignore. me: hahahahhahahaha random cleaner: *RANDOM INDECIPHERABLE CRAP?!* -everyone DAOS-
hahaha it was quite funny, really. he was just so weird lah. whether he was trying to cheeko on us is questionable, but it was still very weird. he really sat down at the table behind us and started talking to us eh. wth. out of nowhere! hahaha
poor dude, he left looking slightly ticked off because we dao-ed him. haha
anyway after that we headed off to esplanade rooftops! it was about 5+pm I think but there were already quite a number of lovey-dovey couples there. hahaha. we found a spot near the end of the roof and sat down there for a while. then this indonesian tourist came and he was filming stuff la
and then he kept filming us! according to polly, he did it more than once. and he even pointed his camcorder in our face and said hi! to which audrey and polly promptly proclaimed, "CHEEKO!" hahaha I think he realized we were laughing about him cos he turned and laughed along with us too. although I don't think he even understood what the word "cheeko" meant? cos yea I thought it's some hokkien word isn't it. it definitely isn't malay.
.. er. I think. 0.o ><
and then we asked him to delete his footage for fear of him putting it up on youtube and photoshopping it or something. hahaha he didn't even know how to operate his own camcorder T_T noob, I say. noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooob
or maybe he was lying, I don't know lah okay. I don't particularly care.
ignorance is bliss, I say <3
and then comes all the random stuff haha
audrey got a haircut! hahaha she has a bob now. she looks good I say (:
random convo #1 this was at marina square, food court
me: so where are we going after this? polly: I dunno leh, where are we going? me: we go sit at the esplanade roof there ah! polly: orh okay, I don't mind -audrey turns and stares- audrey: eh very sharp eh.
HAHAHA. okay for all you noobs out there who have no idea what the esplanade roof is, it doesn't refer to the durian! of course not! so spiky sit there for what, bust your own butt. (HAHA GET IT) it actually refers to the esplanade SHOPPING MALL. the same building which houses the esplanade library! there's an accessible roof at the shopping mall and people normally go there and stone. quite nice! you should ask someone to bring you there if you haven't been there before. (oooooooh you deprived soul) IT'S A GREAT PLACE TO BRING YOUR DATE HAHA. very romantic in the evening. i'm serious lor, don't laugh. the number of kissing couples sitting there after dark is more than the number of fingers I have haha.
OKAY NO, don't kiss your date. hehehe dunno lah up to you whatevs (;
random convo #2
audrey: orh got yuki suki there, no wonder got so many funny funny smells -points at jap restaurant on the other side of the mall- me: huh but it's so far away! you mean you can smell it from here?! audrey: yeah... my smell of taste is very good
random convo #3
polly: my friend say the katong laksa very good eh, you wanna go? audrey: orh, I don't mind! polly: okay, but where is it ah? audrey: ....KATONG?!
yeah. such retarded friends I have. (x see I'm so sane compared to them. (:
hello, I'm seriously addicted to mika's relax (take it easy). I know I'm quite slow, but haha whatevs. i saw it on teevee over the weekend and I realized that mika's actually quite crushable, if only he wasn't so. weird. haha okay lah he's not weird, he's... I dunno, weird lah k
today was so sian I tell you. three straight lectures. my head's been aching since after math... it's pounding now la. erkh.
had my ogl interview today! :D yay I think it went quite well, for me. :D I hope I get in! I screwed up the last question though: do you prefer the floor or the ceiling?
haha I said ceiling, cos I like to stare up at the sky xD what kind of shit answer is that lah haha. I really didn't know what to say ready, lol.
ahhhh my dad is seriously irritating the pants off of me. wahliau eh. he had a bad day at work and he thinks he can just come home and scream his head off at everyone for no reason at all. he screamed at me for leaving my stupid book outside. he screamed at my bro for leaving the tv remote control on the table. he screamed at my mum because she didn't tell my maid to get the bloody food ready.
WAH ASS AH. DAMN PISSIFYING SIA. at least when I come home after a bad day at school I just shut up and don't talk to anyone at all. can he not learn to control his stupid temper?! we all have faults I understand, but his is really getting on my nerves.
I don't know what came over me today, I was quite crazy all day long. felt quite good actually, I felt like I was letting loose huahuahua
I just felt like I should love my life more than just sitting around moping and going like 'oh dear I hate myself I'm such a bitch' and stuff like that. I do concede that I am very mean for doing some of the things that I've done to other people... but at the same time I don't have to dwell on the past (: i mean it won't help to keep hanging on to the past when all I want to do right now is leave it behind and start anew! yep :D
OH! lemme tell you what happened during gp okay. HAHAHA.
-ms ooi talking- val & kexin: AH! ms ooi: ???!!! what's happening? val: THERE'S A COCKROACH! ms ooi: OH MY! -entire class screams and jumps onto their seats/scatters everywhere-
and in the midst of the pandemonium, xin tian was just sitting there giving this semi-incredulous look at everyone. she really looked damn cool, like someone had just announced the presence of an ant hahaha lol. aiya odac la odac :D
HAHA it was really damn funny arh! everyone just really literally screamed and climbed onto their tables or something hahahaha. it was pretty funny. val said the cockroach was the size of victor's head xD
of course it turned to be the size of a pea -_- hahaha ms naidu came in and saw it and told everyone and everyone was like "KILL IT!!" and she was like "NO!" with this horrified look on her face. like she was appalled at the thought of doing such a thing (x and she took jonlim's papers and carried that thing outside and SET IT FREE!
haha and jonlim was like pressing his face against the window going "eh! my papers! she's gonna throw my papers away! ... BYE GP HOMEWORK!" hahaha wth (x
ahh I love my class :P
went to support ruiling after school today. she had a gig at esplanade with j.red (: I tell you she's suuuuuuuuuuper pro at piano lah! awesome man! haha val and ros said she looked like she was trying to catch ants on the piano. HAHA
reached home at around 930pm, and here I am! blogging :D
SAYSAYSAY! I'm quite confused right now okay, you know why?! I can't figure for the life of me what I look like?! honestly! lately all the chinese ahmas and uncles and aunties I meet outside see me and talk to me in chinese. I didn't know I look like a chinese! or are they all just retarded. the ahmas and all, I mean. after all, the last time I checked, I don't have chinese features?! do I.. I DON'T LAH?!
then ros says I look like an indian. cos the first time she saw me she thought I was indian hahaha
audrey says I look eurasian hahahahahaha eurasian! HAHA I'm not even like half-french like sambor or anything.
'nother friend of mine, can't rmb who sorry (x says I don't look malay, but I don't look chinese, I don't look indian, and I definitely don't look like a caucasian haha but he/she doesn't know what I look like
wah thanks ah. i don't look like anything right! T_T maybe I just have a universal look! :O wth is a universal look sey, I don't know, wahaha, anyhow say one ><
you know what, I'd just prefer to be seen as indonesian. cheychey hahaha (x no lah seriously, seeing as more than half of me is indonesian! I might as well appear indonesian to other people right!
enuf about that. I realize that I've been listening to upbeat songs all night long. unintentionally
1. relax (take it easy)- mika 2. summer love- justin timberlake 3. that's not my name- the ting tings 4. barbie girl- aqua (oh we're having SO MUCH FUNNNN, KEN!) 5. sensational- NLT 6. summertime- new kids on the block 7. scream- timbaland 8. don't feel like dancing- scissor sisters
the song that's most apt for me is no. 6, summertime by new kids on the block! you know why. I'm not gonna say why, just read the lyrics of the chorus
I think about you in the summertime and all the good times we had baby been a whole month and I can't deny the thought of you still makes me crazy
I think about you in the summertime sitting here in the sun with you in my mind
alright so I guess that's that. oh yeah and altered some of the lyrics. (: gonna go and sleep now! nights world!
p/s: AIYOHHH! you're so clueless you know! can't you open up your eyes some more and seeee? hahaha damn i don't think I want you too see, yet. haha. yet
so I'm running away, I'm leaving this place yeah I'm running away I'm running away
faster than you can follow me from this lonely place and farther you can find me I'm leaving yeah I'm leaving today
and I'll never let you find me I'm leaving you behind me no I won't look back
amin just told me what I should have figured out for myself ages ago. he didn't do it voluntarily though, technically not. I asked him to tell me and he did, and I'm really very thankful for that, THANKS FRIEND! if you're reading this! ^^
I'm never sincere when I'm in love, unless I'm really honestly extremely far gone for someone. that was this year, actually, but never mind that. I've since moved on. I never understood why a lot of the guys that I befriended just shied away after a while, and now I realize it's because of this image that I have apparently.
that I fall for guys extremely fast and that I get overly emotional when it comes to relationship issues. most of the time I can't even figure out why I get too emotional. it just happens for no good reason at all. basically, amin told me I have a playgirl image, to put it bluntly.
believe you me, it sounds hella weird saying that about myself, because I never saw myself that way, but I guess since I really do fall for people quite fast then it's true? and at the expense of sounding horribly, unbelievably egoistic and delusional, I say this: I've had 'something' with most of the guys that I've liked.
not exactly something that I should be proud of. 's funny. I always saw myself as exactly the opposite of playgirl. for one, I don't have the looks to carry it off. and I definitely don't have the 'moves' to qualify as one. but I guess there's more to it than that huh?
this part's of me's going straight to the closet right now. I'm gonna shove it under my carpet and trample on it until it's completely freaking gone. I don't wish to hurt or get hurt any more than I already have. I've been like this since, well I dunno, sec1 probably. and I should stop doing it. for myself and for all my friends.
I love you guys, and honestly, if I've ever hurt any one of you all because of this 'image' of mine I'm really very sorry. it kinda sickens me the number of times I've said sorry for hurting others this year alone, but this is really a very legitimate reason.
I really don't deserve the presence of someone special in my life. I haven't done anything to deserve it, in my opinion. to the one that I love right now... I'm better off not liking anyone at all. so I don't hurt anybody.
this whole post just sounds freaking egoistical, but i'ma tell you right now, that's what it is. I'm not bullshiting or anything. right now I just feel like the most shameless person on the face of the earth. am I ashamed of myself? haha you have no idea.
all my life I've said to myself that I don't like bimbos and flirts and whatever shit when here I am being the exact same thing that I didn't want to be.
HYPOCRITICAL, MUCH
ah fuck. I've got to put a stop to this RIGHT
NAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
once again, I'm really sorry you guys. I really honestly am.
and amin! I owe you a treat at ben&jerry's or haagen dazs or something. :D
no gray areas, I just wish to see things for what they are because I cannot tell what's going on anymore.
could I just abandon all feelings and be a social recluse for the rest of my life or something? because if this is what it means to love, what it means to have friends who routinely proceed to say things about you behind your back that are untrue in the first place, then no freaking thanks.
well tgif! haha hm I remember last friday, and I can safely say that today's friday has been decidedly better than last friday haha. I was emo-ing about someone, pretty weird stuff. anyway!
I hate friday timetables though. a01c's timetable goes like this: seahist lecture, TWO AND A HALF HOUR BREAK, one and a half hours of gp, ihist tutorial. and usually after the break, I'm just too stoned to think properly, so gp and ihist passes like a blur and I don't usually remember what we went through, haha.
ohwell. I forgot to do my ihist essay outline today, so obviously I got scolded by kwok. haha actually I didn't really get scolded. he just stared at me with this ticked off look and then he walked away muttering something about there being no excuse. haha.
he scolded polly though! walao I don't get why he scolded her lah. okay I think this is how the conversation went. what I can remember of it, lah, I told you I'm super stoned after break on fridays haha.
k: SANTRIANI! me: huh what? k: letter of explanation, where is it? I want it by the end of today uhh me: uhhhh yeah okay I'll put it in your um. your uhh.
(I forgot what the pigeon hole was called. I only could remember it had something to do with a bird)
me: your egg... AH I MEAN! YOUR PIGEON HOLE. k: okayyyy. pollyna how come you didn't remind her to do it! see now she's in trouble, one more time and she'll get a warning slip. p: huh why is it my fault! k: yes it is, because you two always walk together what! so you must remind her to do next time! if you two walked one in front of the other, then you won't have to remind her to do. but you two always walk side by side what, so you have to remind her! p: haha okay
HAH WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT! :O hahahaha I was all set to laugh my ass off. I was just walking behind the both of them and listening to the conversation. and biting my tongue to stop myself from laughing :P and then the moment he said bye I burst into laughter.
but then I turned around and he was still behind us haha shit, oops!
so after thoroughly amused, me and polly went to the canteen. and we were complaining. haha. okay I was complaining. heh.
me: he just lays out a lot of rules for us to abide by, and I don't like it. I mean I understand that he has to lay down rules, but I think he just goes overboard. T_T I hate having to follow a lot of rules.. p: haha he's very authoritarian. me: yeah he's like a communist! like hitler. p: .. me: eh wait. hitler wasn't even communist. what was he? he was nazi, oh shit. p: HAHA hitler's totalitarian, what you talking about!! me: hahaha p: history student speaking here... wah what have you been doing the past six months man!
and yea, I'm blaming that on the stoned-ness of today too. (x I swear the only remotely interesting thing that happened today was seahist lecture. so far as school was concerned haha.
after that me, polly, yuhan and joanna went to vivo! ironically, we were planning to go gyming initially, but then we all decided to abandon that plan and instead we binged a lot at vivo haha.
we went to daiso's and ate at ben&jerry's and then had dinner at sakae sushi. me and polly bought burgers from bk and brought them in, feeling incredibly guilty for being so conspicuous with our huge bk plastic bags and everything. haha .
but I must say, my first time having japanese food! not bad! I loved the smoked egg. or whatever it is it was called. quite nice! it had this pudding-like texture, only it was egg! awesome. :P and I've never been to sakae sushi before, it's such a cool place lah! haha. with the conveyor belt and the random mouse on the table to order your food and the individual taps of hot water at each table. quite cool :P
lol.
oh and to clear up whatever rumours, here/there/everywhere/I don't care where, I AM NOT WITH ANYONE RIGHT NOW, OKAY. just because i talk to a dude who's popular with everyone else, does NOT mean I like him that way, does NOT mean I'm freaking FLIRTING with him!! I'M JUST TALKING, FOR GOD'S SAKE! you know, having a normal conversation?!?! walao. you know you guys can be downright childish sometimes. not to mention stupid. T_T ariffin is my friend, okay?? and he WILL NEVER BE! ANYTHING MORE THAN A FRIEND!
geeeeeeeez. ...alright so I guess I'm done talking about today.
YAY. tmr's gonna be a long day... gonna be out the whole day. :O cya guys (:
there's a word that has three letters in my head right now. it's a freaking billboard-sized sign in my head, with flashing bright red and yellow neon lights. can you guess what it is?
M - U - G !
I should be doing something more productive now. being a mugger. reading my notes or something like that. ohdear, seahist notes just came in, it's one whole thick stack D: okayokay I'll go read after this. it's alrd 9pm, damn it. ><
past few days have been like shit, as you can probably tell. since I've got nothing left to lose, I shall announce my pathetic ct results here. shit.
seahist: B ihist: D econs: U lit: ?? maths: S gp: D
the only thing I can be proud of is seahist, and I didn't even do well for it by my standards, no matter what ms ng says. I don't care if it's the first common test of my rj life, I need that A! the others, all expected, except for maths. ): I honestly didn't expect to fail.
PHAIL!
kay I'll come back with a vengeance for promos. I'll GET TAT ELUSIVE A! I'll make my parents PROUD (:
okay yeah that's that.
just read a friend's blog, she's apparently void of emotions right now, I don't really blame her, she's been through a lot so far this year. but what she maode me realize is that I don't even think about why I'm actually feeling this way when shit happens. used to be that I could take stock of my feelings and figure out why I'm feeling like this, but nw, I just go 'life sucks' or something along the lines of that, and I just keep on sulking and never go back to find out where I went wrong.
which kinda makes me feel like I'm losing track of my life, if you know what I mean. I mean I can't even keep track of my own emotions anymore, the same goes for my thoughts. they go hand-in-hand, don't they? thoughts and feelings. maybe life is just getting so routine for me that I kinda get used to regularly feeling like a piece of shit.
ehhhh I can't really describe it. I just need to feel more alive man. that's the easiest (and probably most cliched?) way to put it. part of it's because lately, I've been creating a lot of excuses for myself. mostly, I've been lying to myself that if I leave everything to happen naturally, it'll all work out. and that entails more lying to myself about various...errr.. situations.
IT'S JUST NOT GONNA WORK OUT NATURALLY. so I'd better take charge of my own life and drive my own chariot, figuratively speaking, haha.
I need to see things as they are, and I cannot lie to myself any longer. I will just accept that sooner or later, something's bound to go wrong. and either work against it (if I can) or not let it get to me (if I can't).
and life, here on out, is gonna get BETTER. because trust me, life could only get better from now on. (x
alright, that's that. another one off the list of things to blog!
next. I seem to be a very approachable person. because every time I walk down orchard rd or reach some random mrt station or a bus stop people always stop me to say, "can I have 5 minutes of your time? I'm not trying to sell anything, really I'm not" and then ASK ME TO COMPLETE A BLOODY SURVEY OR SMELL SOME LAME PERFUME OR COLOGNE OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.
bloody irritating! I would rather stop to donate money or give my attention to some charitable cause or something like that. more worth my time! huh.
AND TODAY! I got ciko-ed (dunno how to spell, also dont care) by some random old angmoh guy. at first I thought he was just being friendly la. cos he seemed friendly. and then I wanted to move my legs, so I moved them and i hit this lumpy thing. what the heck is that?? I looked down and the dude's leg was under mine T_T like, literally. like he was stretching his leg out under mine. OKAYYYYYY. very weird, but okay. funny old man.
so I continued stoning. and then his hand started moving closer to my freaking leg. WHAT THE?! people gave me funny stares eh. like I was friends with this dude beside me who looked unlikely to be my friend. I dunno lah, I just know I was silently pleading to God to make 156 come faster!
AND IT DID. so I jumped up and rushed for the doors. then when I was waiting for the stupid uncle (okay not stupid lah, sorry :P) to open the doors (DAMN SLOW EH!) I felt a hand on my back. ?!?!?! the dude was like 'sit with me on the bus yeah'
WAHHHHHH WATTURF. punch your freaking BALLS can! >< I got on the bus and just took a seat beside some random depressed-looking woman dressed in black from head to toe. rescued! :O the dude said 'come with me to the back!' and I just stayed put haha. once he got to the back he didnt move either! YAY :D
I fell asleep on the bus though and I missed my stop by one stop haha. it wasn't so bad la, although I had to walk in the rain. it was only a heavy drizzle, so yeah. anyway it was quite cooling (:
one last thing: maths lecture today was completely horrible. cannot understand a single word of what the lecturer was saying! well I could la, bits and pieces of it. thankgod jonlim helped to explain stuff to me after the lecture, so now I get the gist of it. ohdear. I'll need loads of practice.
OKAY JIAYOU ME! off to mug now. let's see how long I last before I fall asleep (x
I'm going to change my blogskin soon, I'm getting sick of this. but soon means when I can be bothered to, which means no definite period of time to get it done by heehee. anyway I tried looking for skins the other day and everything was just so conformist, just the same type of art over and over again, quite boring. nice lah, but boring after a while.
today was yet another horrible, shitty, day for a completely different set of reasons than yesterday. today a01c got their gp, econs and math papers back, back-to-back! haha three in a row.
it was very badddd. that goes without saying lah, but it still hits you pretty damn hard even if you expected it. ): before gp everyone was going 'wah no hope ready' and basically laughing it off. or at least trying to.
after gp the smirks became half-smiles. time to get econs back. everyone was like T_T after that. after math... omgosh. horrible. I felt like such a piece of shit. for not studying hard enough during the trip, for not starting intensive mugging before I left for the trip, for not mugging the details hard enough, a lot of mega nonsense shit la... I think I would've started crying at some point during the day if it hadn't been for polly haha she cheered me up :D
THANKS POLLAYYYYYEEE. such a consheeyenshush student you are! JIAYOU MAN haha xP
I don't wanna talk about grades ready, what's past is past. when the shit has been laid, it cannot be taken back in. hahaha okay that was sick (x lemme rephrase that. when shit happens, it happens lah. the trick is to move on with your life and make sure the same shit doesn't happen again
(damn, if I'm too corny or too nonsensical or whatever tonight, don't blame me, blame maths tuition T_T I always talk cock after math)
PROMOS, I AM GOING TO OWN YOU. from here on out, it's a MUGFEST baby! I'm gonna button up my collar and unfold my skirt and tuck in my blouse and be a CERTIFIED NERD. WOOH.
okay that's that.
SINGFESTTTTTTTTT. SHIT, can I not be a rich-ass bitch for once and get 300 bucks to pay to go for SINGFESTTTTTT. onerepublic! aliciakeys! jason mraz! NEWFOUNDGLORY! lostprophets! OMGEE. ): it's quite depressing that there's so many singfest ads on 987fm. ):
I can't believe I'm gonna miss ONE FREAKING REPUBLIC. ): they're coming to singapore! this wholly insignificant pathetic excuse for a country... I so so so wanna go ): but my parents would never let me go in a million years and I would never be able to get my hands on that much money. ironic, considering how I could go for lit trip and yet not pay to go for singfest
haha okay nevermind, that was irrelevant. I told you I'm not making any sense tonight.
I'm being a bitch tonight, I realize. I'm just being really vindictive and venomous and horrible tonight :/ I wanted to get back at someone who's irritating the hell out of me. I don't think he even realizes he irritates me though, I think he thinks I like him. T_T which is why he's damn irritating. it's not just a misunderstanding, he's really very obnoxious about it!
but actually I don't really think he deserves to be treated the way I was planning to treat him.
ohwell. been listening to a coupla new song recently.
closer by ne-yo especially. I love it.. I don't like techno but when it's blended with other types of music, like pop or rock or r&b, it's nice (: a nice change from the normal sounds and everything. 'nother one is teenage love affair by alicia keys. not new, but aye it's nice anyway :D
ALICIA KEYS IS SO PRETTY LAR. and so is emmanuelle chriqui. sigh. but paul walker trumps all (; and rob hoffman comes next
okay I'll stop spouting random bits of information now. heh bye
and btw to everyone who asked, I'm okay, guys, haha don't worrryyyy. ;p really, I just needed space. I'm okay now! :D worry about something more important okay. like promos T_T
today. started out fine. but it ended on a bad note, and I don't really wanna talk about why. I was just feeling like a piece of shit after that, and I think I went for PE looking like a zombie. all I can say is this: I thought you were my friend, so much for that.
but I love my friends, thank you guys for asking me what's wrong and everything, I really appreciate it (: I went for haagen dazs with chermaine after school, haha. my wallet cried, and my fingers got so sticky with caramel sauce that they were shiny, but it didn't matter. good company + good food = roaring good time :D
anyway. then chermaine went back to school and I was supposed to go home, but I was sitting at bishan mrt and staring aimlessly at the wall. trying to sort things out, but it only made me feel more shitty, so I decided not to go home. I needed space, somewhere far away from school, where I knew I wouldn't bump into people I know, somewhere where I could sit and really think things out without being interrupted. somewhere with nice scenery that I could admire and use to calm myself down also.
got my answer: vivocity rooftops. I went all the way there, spent about an hour there, half the time just staring away at the view of sentosa. which isn't really what you call 'nice scenery' but it worked for me. the other half of the time I spent writing furiously on a piece of foolscap paper whatever I felt inside.
then I bought myself some chicken rice from harbourfront centre and I went to orchard to pray at al-falah. caught a bus home and here I am (:
one more thing! there was this couple that got on the bus a few stops before the interchange. at first I didn't think anything of them, just that they were super sweet cos they were quite close. anyway I don't really make it a point to observe couples on the bus, and I was reading my book and I had ambient-noise-eliminating earphones plugged in, so I took no notice. it was only until the bus reached the interchange that I realized- they're deaf/mute! cos they were both talking in sign language all the way haha
MAN THAT IS FREAKING CUTE LAH. AND IT'S SO SWEET PLEASE. you know in the movie jerry maguire there's also a deaf/mute couple and the guy says to the girl, "you complete me" SO SWEEEEEEEEET! really there's no difference between them and a normal couple, it's just that they talk in sign language instead of words, which just makes everything more profound!
okay yeah so I'm evidently a hopeless romantic. :P but it's really very sweet don't you think! :D
sigh.
tomorrow is d-day. getting back a lot of papers, according to chermaine. I think I'll feel like jumping down block b after everything ends. sigh. cts were freaking screwed! well so was everyone else's I bet, but still. aiyoh. suck la.
one more thing before I go and sleep: don't anyone dare to categorize me and treat me as your bloody entertainment and nothing else, because I hate it when I get used like that. especially you. am I your friend, or am I just something there to boost your ego? you only see me when you want to, and obviously you don't care about what goes on in my life as long as you still get to see me around. hello news flash? I wasn't made for you! okay let me rephrase that: I wasn't made for the sole purpose of entertaining you. I've got my own life, and yeah I actually do have my own personality. I'm not here to please you. would you just pleaseeeee get over yourself :x
ARGH I hate obnoxious guys the most. horrible horrible masochistic BUFFOONS, they are.
k so I know I blogged earlier, but uhh I have a few more things to say after going out haha. well I saw rudy! slash yanto. ? lol ok his name is yanto but I always called him rudy instead cos actually I thought his name was rudy at first. well long story, nvm (x
rudy/yanto: I don't understand you, boy. you've really changed a lot, to the extent that I don't think I know who you are anymore. you're capable of morphing into two different people in the blink of an eye, and I know that the boy I got to know almost four years ago wasn't like that at the start. mannnnnn. what the heck happened... sigh. I guess I don't really have a right to ask, do I? it's not like we're so close now anyway. guess we were never the same after things got screwed up haha.
I wish you didn't bend to people's will like that. I wish you'd have your own will, do things the way you wanna do them and not the way people tell to you to do them. haha you were always screwed up, but people loved you even then. because underneath that poseur you could be such a good friend, a good brother, son, student, everything! you just let people get to you very easily. wish that weren't the case...
well! moving on. me and my parents and my cousin went to eat at balithai at suntec to celebrate my bro's bday. we ordered too much food and in the end we spent a bomb and didn't get our money's worth hahaha but it was still a damn good meal, in my opinion. I'm glad my cousin was there. (: she livens up the atmosphere!
was going to go have ben&jerry's after that, but everybody was too stuffed ): ice cream doesn't stuff you up any further! right! but nobody would listen to me, so fineeee we went home instead. HOME BORING HOME
haha not exactly, I went online straightaway and now I'm caught up in 5 different msn convos and 3 separate sms convos hahaha this is like VERY AWESOME. now if only I could maintain it T_T
and you! haha nobody has any idea who this you is. I don't think you even know it's you. haha. okay anw. I just pictured your face in my mind and my whole face became this toilet bowl--it was FLUSHED! hurhurhurhurhurhurhurhurhurhur .... mm actually that was a really. bad. joke. haha I'm sorry
anw tmr! I CANT WAIT FOR TMR!!! I'm going cycling wit ma og! :D at ecp! WOOTS. I love you MR03 <333
hello there! today I'm gonna dedicate one whole post to my brother. because today is his birthday and so I want to remember why I love him so much, even though he irritates the hell out of me.
when we were smaller, we used to have wrestling matches on the living room couch or on the queensized bed that we used to share. they were super brutal, haha. my bro couldn't really do much beside bite and kick as hard as he could and pull my hair. I don't remember what I did to him. they were super fun la. even though neither of thus ever actually intentionally wanted it to happen. it was always because we started bickering first and then beating each other up next. if you can call "beating up", haha.
there was one time we were "wrestling" and I didn't take off my specs. I never did, anyway. and this particular fight was quite ruthless haha because I really pissed off my brother, don't know what I did, and he ended up giving me this gash across my forehead that almost went into my eye. I thought it was cool, because it didn't hurt. my mum freaked out completely, of course, and even though my bro got scolded for it, he got excused because he was still small. but I think that was the last wrestling match we ever had. :P
I remember when we went to japan when I was six and he was one, when he was still chubby and fatty and just this squeezable piece of chunky cuteness. everything that my mum bought for him was oversized, because she wanted him to grow into them. so he always looked like this walking bundle of cloth save for his cute little face not covered by anything.
we went to the tokyo disneyland which was very jappo (duh) and we took this peter pan ride. just a dumb carriage thing where two people sat and they'd bring you through this whole place decorated with the peterpan theme. it was meant to be scary in that I'm-capt-hook-and-I'm-gonna-KILL-YOU way, and I found it quite fun (I mean I was six, not three T_T) but my bro literally peed in his pants and he came out crying and he had this really stricken look on his face like he'd just seen a ghost hahaha it was so hilarious.
and I remember when he used to be scared of the dark. he's not scared anymore thanks to ME (:D) and no, I'm not kidding this time, it's really because of me! and I'm quite proud of it hahaha. anyway, we used to share a bed in our room. and when it got dark he always couldn't sleep. one night he told me it was because he kept staring at the door. the light was reflecting on it in such a way that it looked like there was this whitish thing standing in front of the door and he'd imagine a ghost standing by the bed at night and going into him and everything. and I just wanted to sleep, so even though I did kinda get spooked at the same time, I let him sleep on my side of the bed, under the covers just so he'd shut up and go to sleep already.
he always cried when someone left him in the dark (literally) and that was what I always loved to do. :P in the end I got quite sick of it so I made him stand in front of the computer room (which is the scariest room in our house at night, for a 4-year-old boy) and called him a sissy, unless he could go in there, stand there for a few minutes and come back out in one piece. after that he went into dark places just to prove to people that he could, that he wasn't scared. hahaha.
but he's still a sissy. one night we were at my grandma's house with all my cousins, just like every other saturday night, and one of my older cousins was trying to show us a happytreefriends video. he said it was damn hilarious. of course we thought it was super gross at first but then the more brutal it got the funnier it was so we all started warming up to it.
except for my bro! he went "STOP IT! STOP ITTTTTTTT" and he looked so horrified and he had nightmares for two straight nites after that. from watching happytreefriends. happy. tree. friends. ?!?!?!
lol. dad and I went shopping for his present yesterday, after my french class, and we got him a die-cast of a lamborghini murcielago rooster. how cool is that. it SOUNDS cool doesn't it! actually it's not really that super cool, it's just a die-cast after all, it's not like one of those common boy toys (HAH!) that have flashing lights and loud noises and what not. it can't really do anything except look sexy when you push the doors open. but my bro likes it anyway, he's a sucker for cars...
-_________-" he's twelve, mind you. when he was four it was dinosaurs, then when he was seven, animals, when he was nine, it was soccer and man utd, and now it's lamborghinis and jessica alba :D nah I'm kidding about the jessica alba part. he still doesn't care about hotness as much as prettyness at this age. lol.
so now on a more serious note: my brother's actually quite selfless. I never realized this about him until a few months ago, but it seems that he's becoming more and more big-hearted as he grows up. which, I'm proud to say, is very very heartening indeed. (: I love him even more because of that. and I wish I could be as selfless as he is currently. it just comes naturally to him, but it's not in my nature to be that way, it requires effort on my part.
oh well. that's just the way he is I guess. I love him so so much (:(:(: and I wouldn't trade my brother for any other brother in the whole wide world :D
wow. okay I'm supposed to be doing pw now :P but errrr haha lemme just finish this (x
about the last post. haha sorry bout that. .. actually sorry bout the last few posts as well. freaking emo. well. I guess I don't really have a reason to be emo. haha. it's not really a reason that most people would consider legitimate anyways. I'm emo not because I love someone and "it goes to waste", as coldplay puts it. I'm emo because it's the exact opposite of that.
I know, I don't get it either. today I realize I'm getting quite sick of being emo because of that. it actually eats into me and it's like someone put a two-ton weight on each shoulder every time I think about it. I really hate that I cannot give him what he wants but I'm very very annoyed that I keep thinking so much about it. it sucks. being torn between remaining his friend and completely ignoring him, feeling like I just stabbed him in the back, whatever! everything is just freaking complicated now and I just wanna let go of everything. ): I cannot do anything about this can I? well if I can't, then wouldn't I be better off just leaving it all up to God and then going on with my own life. ..sigh. ):
on another note! (a lighter note!) well this is not really light, but it's something to blog about, so who cares huh.
I'm planning on joining oteam09! wanna be an ogl... wish me luck! (: I think I can make it. even though one of the criteria for making it is passing all my subjects. and ECONS spells disaster for me T_T but I'm getting econs tuition so I should probably be able to just pass by a hair's breadth if I just work my ass off for promos. woots. go me <3>
ha. ha.
another thing.. have I mentioned how much I abhor delusional people? people who are DELUSIONAL about themselves, especially when it comes to their own looks. I know this guy who thinks that every time a girl looks at him randomly it means she's checking him out and that she thinks he's cute. AHHHHHHH PUH-LEEEEEEEEEZ T_T" wahlao-ey. one of my good friends just happened to be staring in his general direction when he noticed her doing that and just because of that incident, that ONE incident that happened in the canteen where there were a MILLION other people, he's being extremely weird around her now.
i'm sorry, I really CANNOT STAND THESE KINDA PEOPLE T_T it was just a bloody coincidence, dammit. not important at all! and yet he makes it sucha big deal. wah bloody ego can, aiyoh. :x
haha alright enough of that. I just feel so betrayed lah. I used to like him you know, like as a person. not 'like' like, hurhur. he was just nice overall. it seemed. and then he does this kind of thing, very irritating to me, especially since he's doing it to my good friend. so annoying. she didn't mean anything at all lah. wahlao. so now i'm quite disgusted that he can be so freaking delusional T_T
okay well guess that's his imperfection. I'm just going to have to learn to live with it.
tomorrow's friday! tgif! well not really. ending school at 125 instead of 1205 like the old timetable. I HATE THE NEW TIMETABLE, EE. monday and wednesday damn bad lah, donno how many lessons in a row, without a break until the end of the day. WITHOUT! A BREAK! I WILL BREAK, WITHOUT A BREAK T_T
alright enough of that (once again I say that) it's 9:10pm and I haven't started on PW and I still have to download the oteam application form and carefully fill it out and print it and shit like that. yay good luck to me. looks like I'll be burning the midnight oil. actually I think I need a real electric lamp. so it can last further than midnight.
omg leave me aloneeeee. forget you ever got to know of my existence, pretend you don't see me even when I'm right in front of you, don't talk to me, just forget I even breathed in the same space as you. I don't exist anymore, okay? I don't know, anything, just please, get off my back!): I'm sorry, I really really am and I wish I had the guts to tell it to you in the face but I can't, I'd probably start crying or something
why the fuck does this whole thing got to be so dramaaaa. I'm not used to this leh. this is the first freaking year it's been so real. I don't know what to do!
all I'm asking you to do is to forget about me. that can't be too hard! please just do it. the minute i see you my heart crawls halfway up my throat and I feel like vomiting. it's worse when it's from far away, why must you do that? FORGET IT!
I don't wanna be guilty anymoreeeee. ): I don't wish for you to disappear out of my life. I just wish for you to not think of me this way. please please. I will never hate you, I just need for you to be tough with yourself just this once okay please??
